Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Accomplishment Addict

My name is Tanya and I am an addict.

Now that I have your attention, let me explain my addiction. I struggle with an addiction to accomplishment. Now you might wonder what is so wrong about that addiction, but I can tell you with pure conviction that that kind of addiction, just like any other addiction, can get in the way of deep and meaningful relationships.

I have discovered that my choice (and it was my choice) to become addicted to accomplishment had it’s roots in well-intended parenting and schooling that told me how proud they were of my accomplishments in order to show love and approval. For me, that started a sort of subconscious and misaligned way to feel loved, and ironically it ended up sometimes getting in the way of being able to really connect at a heartfelt, loving level. That and the fact that at the end of the day, having some tangible piece of evidence of what I have accomplished can seem more valuable than having invested in a relationship. I mean, let's face it, the world worships "stuff"--He who dies with the most toys or trophies wins!

Gratefully I have had the gospel and the personal direction to study good books, and so now I can know the truth and the truth is setting me free. (that AND psychiatric care, heavy medications, and shock therapy!)

Harriet Lerner once said something to the effect that people who truly invest in relationships don't accomplish anything else that great. At the end of the day, now I want to look back and savor what I have done to strengthen relationships.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Tanya,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I never knew there was such a thing, but after reading this I truly believe it needs addressing in so many who are compelled to constantly be accomplishing something all the time. I appreciate your honestly and so thankful you are coming out of that addiction.