Justice and Mercy

Alma 42:30- The justice of God is what is required of us. Let us be clear about those requirements. They aren't some arbitrary expectations to control us. There are what will bring us true joy and happiness. God's mercy is the price Christ paid for us to be redeemed from falling short of that requirement. 

When I am at odds with the requirements, I can beat myself up and feel ashamed for my weakness. Or  I can refuse to take responsibility and not be remorseful and instead want to excuse myself. It is especially tempting to claim it is just to hard to live up to so why even try. Or I want to blame something or someone else as the source of my pain. When we don’t believe in and thus deny God’s mercy, it makes all of those destructive choices necessary to relieve the pain of not meeting the requirements because that is all I can do to avoid suffering. 

Of course, we will all fall short. When we are told that no unclean thing can enter His presence, that includes all of us. The plan of happiness says that is why we need a Savior. We cannot be clean enough, we cannot be good enough. And it is a waste of time to beat ourselves up, to give up, or to blame something or someone else. Instead, we can choose to be humble and come unto Christ and take advantage of the mercy that is offered to us.  

It’s for your own good

As I read scriptures, it is helpful to ask myself questions about what I am reading to discover what I might also be guilty of. When I read “they began to be offended because of the strictness of the word” (Alma 35:15), I asked myself, in what ways am I sort of offended or bothered by some truth that I don’t want to comply with? As I sort of have had a struggle with adhering to a healthy eating regiment, I realize that I am bothered by the fact that to be truly healthy at my age, a stricter eating protocol is necessary. No longer can I get away with such a permissive diet like I got use to in my younger years. Back in the day, I could eat leftover pizza right before bed and I could eat ice cream like it was going out of style and not seem to suffer any great consequences. And now I look at the negative results of a permissive diet and I am a little peeved that I can’t have my ice cream AND a healthy outcome. 

In this world, it can be tempting to think we can do just what we want without restriction. But the “strictness of the word” means that there is a certain amount of denial that is necessary to have positive outcomes. We cannot have just eat, drink, and be merry and not expect the consequences to follow. The “strictness of the word” actually gives us more freedom in the long run. It has lasting benefits. So I give up the immediate gratification of junk food and live what seems like a strict healthy eating plan described in D & C 89, and then I can enjoy better health. It is vital that I just comply and not be offended nor complain about the restriction to try to justify my bad habits. Easier said than done.  

Lessons learned from quarantine

I have learned something profound from the quarantine. It has revealed to me how many of the things I normally do that I have obviously done out of habit, or out of duty that must not be that important or beneficial to me because when the restrictions started lifting, I have to admit, I was kind of sad that I might now be expected to do those things again (whether that expectation was coming internally or externally, I am not always sure). I realize I still longed for the excuse not to do them. I found the quarantine actually set me free in some ways. It has now made me want to re-evaluate what is important to me and given me permission to eliminate those things that obviously I didn’t want to do in the first place but only felt compelled to do them. Or at least do them differently and most likely, in a simpler way.  

I also think we have learned a lot about self-reliance and preparedness and how to be alone without being lonely. I have also certainly rediscovered the simple pleasures of the staying- -at-home projects such as cooking, gardening, reading, puzzles, sewing, organizing, etc. In essence, I have learned that I have a choice—either I complain or I get creative and find solutions that can make my life better. 

With that said, I want to be careful that I don’t eliminate service and sacrifices that are beneficial to bless other people, especially being considerate of those whose circumstances aren’t as privileged as mine are. But I will be more thoughtful about what is essential and what is just doing to be doing because someone told me I should or because I have erroneously put that expectation on myself to feel busy and important. I also don’t want to be caught up in doing it to just look good to desperately prove to myself and others that I am worthy. Like actually washing my hair wearing uncomfortable clothes instead of being content with nappy hair and wearing sweats all day🤪

Even inconveniences can bring blessings

This is a unique time. We are given the chance just like in Alma 33 in which people weren’t allowed to worship in the churches. What an opportunity to truly worship on our own without being seen of men. (Alma 33:7-8) It is a chance to flush out my individual desire to worship my Heavenly Parents and Savior and not just going to church to socialize. Although I do know that with every expectation we are given there are a multitude of benefits, and worshiping at a church with other people allows for the second blessing to be able to rub shoulders with other inspiring people. But for me, this time has afforded me the unique opportunity for an intrinsic experience that has fed my soul in ways that meeting in a congregation hasn’t. I am solely dependent on my own effort to experience communion with the Divine. I feel a new sense of self reliance as I connect with my Heavenly Parents without thinking about what I wear or if my hair looks okay to the people sitting behind me or consumed with what other people are wearing. It is all about feeling the Spirit and being inspired through my own efforts. It is true that with every inconvenience we can find blessings.  

Never too late to change

Last night I listened to Roselyn Christensen’s funeral and was moved to tears and truly inspired. She was, without a doubt, a remarkable woman who influenced me in a multitude of ways. Funerals can be a great source of inspiration to be and do better. But if I am not careful, and only look back on my life instead of looking forward, listening to the stories of a well-lived, ambitious and faithful life can make me feel inadequate and stir up feelings of regret. I mean, this woman was “Mother of the Year” in 1990. I have often jokingly claimed that I was mother of the year in some random year when introducing myself when giving a speech somewhere, but this woman really was! 

At almost 65, I could think most of my life is behind me and feel like I have missed out on many opportunities that people such as Roselyn so beautifully took advantage of. Just listening to the musical experiences and the more than a dozen musical instruments found in their home, filled me with a sense that my family was woefully cheated. And those discouraging feelings can sabotage any ambition in the present moment.  

I am grateful for an eternal perspective that gives me hope that there is plenty of time for growth. That I can start right where I am and make changes that can bleed into eternity. Maybe I start with buying a drum set. Kev will love our grandkids banging on that. Thank you Roselyn for such a beautiful life and for your continued source of inspiration. And thank you to her children who were able to convey the lasting influence she had on them  and the love she offered to 10 accomplished children. 

May I also reference the hopeful message contained in Alma 23-29 about a blood thirsty people who changed dramatically to being a meek and faithful people. There is always hope for us. Change and new growth is always possible.