Wednesday, August 29, 2012
I have been reading a national best seller book entitled "For Women only; what you need to know about the inner lives of men"
In the chapter "Keeper of the Visual Rolodex--Why it's so natural for him to look and so hard to forget what he's seen" the author found that even happily married men struggle with being pulled toward live and recollected images of other women that can be a big temptation.
The author surveyed hundreds of men and was surprised to learn how visual they are and how women that have a great body especially if they are dressing to show it off are difficult to avoid, not be distracted by, and not to dwell on.
She says that for the 25% of women who are "visual" (which is me, by the way) this revelation doesn't surprise them but the other 75% who don't understand that visual attraction can be such a powerful temptation don't truly understand. The author says that "the assumption is that all the trouble starts because 'men have roving eyes.' A better understanding is that there are roving, under-dressed women--and men can't not notice their existence! because of how they are hard wired."
So what's a women to do? the author asks.
One of the suggestion she gives is to "champion modesty in yourself and others."
She goes on to say, "Let's fact it, women who are totally clueless about this problem can also thoughtlessly contribute to it. After all, the images in a man's mental file come from somewhere--and it's not just from pictures. The eye magnets on the street are choosing to dress the way they do and the women who are totally clueless about this problem can also thoughtlessly contribute to it. Unfortunately, because women aren't visual, we may not understand what we are doing to the men around us--a fact that men find hard to believe, by the way. One father asked me why his cautious college-aged daughter dressed in a tight little top and skirt around a particular guy she found attractive. "Surely," this father said, "surely she knows what she's doing!" "Yes," I agree, "she knows she looks good. But she doesn't realize what is actually going on in that guy's head. What she's smugly thinking is, He thinks I'm cute." "Cute has nothing to do with it!" the shocked father replied. "He's picturing her naked!"
The author goes on to say, "Unfortunately, I can also guarantee that many adult women reading this book are unwitting fodder for the mental file of some devoted married man just because of how they dress. You're cluttering up a good husband's mind and tempting him to dishonor his wife. It is our responsibility to ensure that, as much as it depends on us, this doesn't happen."
Jesus was clear that it isn't enough to just avoid adultery but that men should avoid lusting. I know that we as women can intentionally or unintentionally dress in a way that can either help or hinder that avoidance. I stand as being one that wants to help. Count me in as one that wants to champion modesty.
Posted by Tanya at 7:20 AM
Monday, August 20, 2012
Posted by Tanya at 1:46 PM
Friday, August 17, 2012
Sometimes I have played the martyr and haven't honored myself by knowing and honoring my own limits. Lately I have felt empowered by stating my preference without apology or explanation and not being concerned if others agree or are judging me, and it feels good. I know that the way I honor my own limits by setting boundaries will also help me to honor other people and their preferences without judgment,
Posted by Tanya at 8:21 AM
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
I was introduced to someone that looked like someone I grew up by and I thought she might possibly be her daughter. I asked, "Is your mother a Cutler?" She replied that she had been asked that before and I should see her baby pictures. I thought it was a weird response but we then went off doing our own thing.
Later I learned that when she saw me from a distance, she pointed me out to someone and told them that I asked her if her mom was a colored. The person replied, "Who says that these days?" She then said she wondered why I didn't ask if her father was a colored and why I would just assume it was her mother.
Well luckily they found out from the person who introduced us what I really said and came to find me to have a good laugh about the misunderstanding. We laughed so hard that later I felt like I had overdone my ab work. She did show me a baby picture from her iphone because she actually did look like she was African American and told me that she had been questioned several times on her ethnicity, just not quite like she thought I had asked her. I was just grateful that we were able to clear things up. I would hate to have her going through life thinking I was a prejudice person stuck the 60's.
It really does make me wonder how many times I have been misunderstood in this dramatic of a way and it never got clarified.
Posted by Tanya at 9:00 PM
Monday, August 6, 2012
Posted by Tanya at 9:53 AM
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Posted by Tanya at 5:37 AM
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Posted by Tanya at 6:45 PM
Posted by Tanya at 7:10 AM
Friday, August 3, 2012
My understanding is that we are here to learn from our experiences, and let's face it, there are a lot of experiences that I don't necessarily enjoy. Can I learn from them? Yes, but enjoy them, no. In hindsight I have learned that I can be grateful for painful experiences because of what I have learned from them, but I don't believe I am expected to enjoy them while in the moment. I know that there have been so many moments that I enjoy but those moments don't have the depth of learning that the painful moments have. I do want to learn to enjoy all the good moments, but I know that isn't my sole purpose. I am here to learn and although I want to get better at learning from all that is good and wonderful, I also know that I must know the pain in order to appreciate the good.
Maybe I will get to the point when at a really painful time, I can say, "Wow, I am enjoying this because I am learning so much." But I doubt it. The best thing I can do is enjoy the comforting Spirit that will come during hard times and trust that I will see the blessings later. Maybe that is what this thought is talking about.
Posted by Tanya at 7:02 AM
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
So...I decided that started today I was going to reclaim August and spend the month detoxing from sugar. I know that how well I am disciplined physically has a huge impact on the rest of myself, so I am counting on how great I feel being sugar free to carry me through and make for a better August. Wish me luck. One day down.
Posted by Tanya at 10:04 PM