Monday, August 30, 2010

Self Pity

The other day when I was recovering from my surgery and I wasn't getting the attention that I thought I needed from someone who I will not name, I was starting to feel tremendously sorry for myself. Never mind that I have always been unusually strong and resilient after any kind of surgery and birthing and so this person knows that I can manage fine without the attention (which I really can); I still want to be coddled a little bit more but I am continually disappointed.

While I was in that familiar state of self pity, I had this exquisite realization. This feeling is all too comfortable and I think I might be addicted to this negative emotion. I also realized that it is significant waste of time that could be used for other meaningful activities. Bingo! There was an immediate change of attitude and change of feeling. Now I just want to feel grateful for what this unnamed person does do, which is call throughout the day to check on me and bring me home meals. Come on Tanya, isn't that enough. Let's be honest, if said person stayed home and held my hand all day, we would both be annoyed. I am going to be less comfortable with self pity and give up that emotional addiction.

One more little revelation. Self pity means I am not being responsible for my own happiness. Being dependent on someone else creates powerlessness and thus self pity.

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