Tuesday, June 26, 2012

When Nice isn't Nice

  • Repeatedly bailing them out - of jail, financial problems, other "tight spots" they get themselves into
  • Giving them "one more chance" - ...then another...and another
  • Ignoring the problem - because they get defensive when you bring it up or your hope that it will magically go away
  • Joining them in the behavior when you know they have a problem with it
  • Joining them in blaming others - for their own feelings, problems, and misfortunes
  • Accepting their justifications, excuses and rationalizations
  • Avoiding problems - keeping the peace, believing a lack of conflict will help
  • Doing for them what they should be able to do for themselves
  • Softening or removing the natural consequences of the problem behavior
  • Trying to "fix" them or their problem
  • Repeatedly coming to the "Rescue"
  • Trying to control them or their problem
My walking friends and I were talking about when being nice just isn't nice, and I found this great list of ways that what we might think is being nice that actually hurt instead because it enables people to be stuck in destructive behavior. The greatest cure is love but love often has to be tough and speak the truth. The truth might not seem nice but it is the best help.

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