American Idol

It is late at night and I just finished watching the American Idol finale.  I was happy that Phillip Phillips won.  Not only did I love his music and originality, but he reminded me so much of our fourth son, Talmage.  I honestly felt like I was watching my little boy up there and I loved it.  I was especially touched by him breaking down in tears as he sang his title song and bee-lining to his family's arms.  I cried knowing that his family's love and support was so important to him and that is where he wanted to be.  Yes, we are all home.   

Distractions

I was running at the park this morning and I was reminded of an experience one day years ago when we were feeding the ducks at this same park.  There was a mother duck and her babies, and several people were throwing food at her.  She became so distracted with the abundance of food that a seagull swooped down and gulped down one of her little ducklings.  I was horrified and surprised because I only thought seagulls fed on crickets and garbage at the dump.

To me this was a dramatic lesson in the power of distractions.  There are so many distractions in my life that I know keep me from fulfilling some of my life purposes.  It takes constant focus and refocusing to stay on course.   

Be versus Doing and Having

I am still haunted by the anorexic images I viewed on Dr. Oz. It really came to me how destructive it is to want to gain control over what we do or don't do (eat) and have (thin body) instead of what we want to be (healthy). Putting our focus on doing and having instead of just being and letting that healthy state of existence determine what we do and have, puts us at risk for anything to take over and finally control us, just like the disease of anorexia finally controls these poor girls.

I have talked about this before but it is worth repeating because this principle has a multitude of applications and not just having to do with our bodies.  If what we do or have doesn't help what how healthy, good, and loving we ultimately become then it has a tendency to start to control us because we can never do or have enough of anything that doesn't end in an healthy outcome.  

Thought to Remember

I was touched by the message on the bumper sticker that President Urchdorf shared, "Don't judge me because my sins are different than yours." Knowing that we all sin and fall short is no new revelation, but how that plays out and what I do about it is something I need to always remember.

I have loved studying Human Development and one thing that I now know that I didn't often realize when I was prone to judge other people's choices is how we tend to make choices and do things that we hope will alleviate our pain and suffering. Some of us can do things that don't seem like as big of a sin or damaging (sin is really only that which we do that harms us and alienates us from God), while others do things that seem blatantly destructive to themselves and others. And let's face it, everyone's pain is different and it seems the bigger the pain, the more drastic the way to deal with that pain.

I recognize that I use eating and especially sugar as a form of comfort to alleviate pain. Because my pain isn't that great, sugar seems sufficient and I head down to Neilson's Frozen Custard to cope, and can still think that I am "righteous."

Elizabeth Smart

I have just been reading about Elizabeth Smart's dream wedding. Now that girl is such a great example of not becoming a victim to some horrible experiences and using it to empower others instead. She exemplifies that it isn't what happens to us but how we respond to what happens to us. She is an amazing girl and I am happy that she has found her true love.

Get Over It

I think I have said this before in my blog but in case I haven't written it but just thought about writing it, here it is for the first time (it could be the fifth time but you know how us old people say the same thing over and over again).   I realize for most of my life I have just tuned into the beat of songs because I love to dance, and since I can't and luckily don't sing, I haven't often paid attention to the words.  This morning while doing my dance exercise and rocking out to the song Get Over It by the Eagles, I was so surprised at how profound the lyrics are.  Who knew?  All the rest of you, of course.  Anyway, here are the lyrics to chew on.  It is definitely food for thought.

I turn on the tube and what do I see
A whole lotta people cryin' "Don't blame me"
They point their crooked little fingers at everybody else
Spend all their time feelin' sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma's too thin; your daddy's too fat

Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin' and cryin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

You say you haven't been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if they gave you some cash
The more I think about it, Old Billy was right
Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight
You don't want to work; you want to live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn't owe you a thing

Get over it
Get over it
If you don't want to play, then you might as well split
Get over it, get over it

It's like going to confession every time I hear you speak
You're makin' the most of your losin' streak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak

You drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
Complain about the present and blame it on the past
I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ***

Get over it
Get over it
All this *****in' and moanin' and pitchin' a fit
Get over it, get over it

Get over it
Get over it
It's gotta stop sometime, so why don't you quit
Get over it, get over it

Games People Play

Our basement dwellers and I have been playing this game almost every night.  It is a playful way to realize that sometimes life needs to be rearranged if we want to succeed, and it takes creativity and some calculating to achieve that.

One thing I've learned in college is that species that have a longer play period in their developmental years, develop higher ordered brains.  That is what I hope will happen playing this game every night.  I hope this nightly play period will help my declining brain.  It might be too late.  

Thirst masked as Hunger

They (the lab coat guys) say that are bodies are thirsty but we are tricked into eating instead of realizing that what we really need is water. That happens with people and relationships. I read in a text book (the author also probably wears a lab coat) I was studying that people who have difficulties attaching are more vulnerable to abusing alcohol because the affects of alcohol replicate the good, peaceful feelings that come from close relationships and emotional connection. Just like we are tricked into eating when we just need moisture (the name we use for water in our prayers at church), we can also be tricked in seeking the comfort we need in drugs, alcohol, food, chocolate, facebook, or anything that brings people together in anonymous groups going through 12 steps.

Okay, so instead of reaching for that whole bag of peanut m & m's (and it becomes the whole bag because if it isn't what I really need with just a few then I will consume the entire bag thinking maybe that last blue one will really make me feel better), or zoning out in front of facebook, or any other addictive habit (Not sufficient time to list them all): I will ask myself, "What do I really need?"

Happy Mother's Day

Remember when...

My post yesterday about serving in church brought back a lot of memories. My first church calling was when I was a Junior in high school and I was a primary teacher for 8 year olds. Back in the day, before the block program, the guys had Priesthood meeting early Sunday morning and then we had Sunday School in the morning also. We would go back home for dinner and then have Sacrament Meeting later in the late aftertoon/evening. Relief Society was one day during the week and Primary was held after school once a week and Mutual at night once a week. That is why I could teach primary while I was still in high school and in young womans at the same time. Not only did I get that opportunity to serve in church but I was also asked by Layton City Recreation to coach a 8-10 year-olds girls softball team while I was in high school. Mind you, they were just desperate for a coach and not because I was even good at playing softball. My best friend worked for the city as the umpire and in that desperation, she suggested that they ask me to coach. (my friend being the umpire probably explains why we went to the championships that year). I have to say that back in the day, college applications didn't require service experience and so anything I did was only because I was just asked and not because I wanted it to look good on the resume. I wasn't that bright or service-oriented to go seek for ways to serve, but just took the opportunity as they came to me. I am ever grateful I did. It was such a blast for me to be able to be a part of all of those kids' lives. I have such fond memories of those times. With that said, you have to know that some of those experiences were kind of scary and reckless. Here I was a Junior in high school and if my softball team won the game, I would pile them up in the back of my parents camper and take them for ice cream and then drive them around town dropping them off to their homes. This was when girls would just go play their games and parents didn't come. I even remember a time when I had to make a sudden stop and they all went flying. WHO WOULD LET THAT HAPPEN TODAY!? Crazy, I know, but oh so fun. I remember crying when they went to that championship game because we started the season being in last place. It was awesome seeing them succeed. A feeling I would never forget and that I want more of in my life.

Give but Receive So Much More

I've heard a lot of people say that so much is expected of members of the LDS church. True. I am here to also say that so much more is always received in return. Someone in their testimony at church was talking about her missionary son and how he said he doesn't feel like the area he served in needed him but he needed them. That is how I feel about serving in the Young Women's program. I know they don't need me but I have needed them. This person who shared her testimony also said that one of the miracles of the missionary program is how young boys are turned into selfless and humble men who love the Lord, and said that "Only a loving Heavenly Father would know how to do that." I feel like I have gained so much from the opportunity to have church callings. I know that I haven't been given callings because I am wonderful but because I had a lot to learn and a whole lot of changing to do. I know that I have changed because of my callings, and "only a loving Heavenly Father would know how to do that" for me. I consider it a privilege to be able to serve and can honestly say, I GOT BACK SO MUCH MORE THAN I COULD POSSIBLY GIVE.

Feeling Good

This is the truth. When I don't eat good, I just don't feel good. Not only don't I feel good physically but I don't feel as good spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I think I have been led to believe that it is being thin that makes me feel good but last night when we had a health and fitness activity for the Young Women, one of the tiny, thin girls said something profound. She explained that people always tell her she can eat anything she wants because she is so thin, but she wisely said that even though she would stay thin, she wouldn't feel good. Smart girl! I really don't feel good about myself and don't feel confident when I eat poorly, and it isn't because I now have an extra layer of padding around me and my behind is starting to move independently, but because feeling good is so much deeper. It comes from the inside of me and it has a lot to do with what I put inside of me. I am grateful for our activity last night because it gave me the course correction I needed so I can feel good inside and outside, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. With that determination, vegetables and fruits are sounding more appealing than cheetos.

Take It Personally

If anyone reading this blog has noticed, I try hard to always put my thoughts based on my experience and what I have discovered about me and what I need to work on. I use to have a bad habit of focusing on what is wrong outside of myself and especially our society, but it feels so much better to focus on what is right or wrong about me and my beliefs and behaviors. It really is true that I tend to notice what is wrong outside myself when it is really something that is wrong about me. Years of trial and error (mostly error) has taught me that I really can't change something or someone else, I can only change me. I learned a valuable lesson from an acquaintance years ago who course corrected me when I started to speak of what is wrong with some aspect of our society or culture. She boldly taught me that it is best to focus on my own problems. So now if I do see something out there that is troubling me, I realize it is probably just a mirror helping me recognize some sin in me. What I think I need to fix "out there" is really something I need to fix inwardly.

Judgment

I had a thought this morning that I knew was truth. I have a tendency to feel like I am being judged if I want someone to blame for possible internal conflict. If someone judges me unrighteously and I have confidence in who I am and what I do, then their judgment won't convict me and it naturally sloughs off. It is only when their judgment hits that same cord that is tied to my own internal sense of guilt that it becomes painful. I can take someone's judgment as a way to do a healthy self analysis and if it isn't true then I can discard it without feeling bad about myself or the need for the retaliation of reverse judgment. If it is a truth that I need to take a look at, then I can be grateful for that wake up call. I can choose to be a situational teflon pan. When it something I need to work on, I will let it stick. If not, I will let it slide right out of my life, without letting it affect how I feel about myself or that other person. I certainly don't want to resort to reverse judgment by judging someone else when I feel unrighteously judged by them. It is interesting how that can so easily happen.