Substitutions

This morning I read a talk by Elder Bednar about expressing and showing love, and so I have been thinking about substitutions for that kind of love. This children's book is about substituting warm fuzzies, which represents love, for cold pricklies.

In my study of human development and positive psychology, I have learned that feelings of love and social contact produce the same hormone-like substance, oxytocin, as when someone is high on cocaine. Therefore, if someone isn't getting that natural "high" from genuine love and affection then they are prone to addictions to substances and behaviors that duplicate that same temporary good feeling but that are ultimately damaging. These substitutions become our cold pricklies.

It is interesting to note that often times we think that in order to cure someone of an addiction that we must "punish" them by withholding our love and affection. We even throw people in jail for addictions and isolate them from their loved ones. This seems crazy given the fact that it could have been the absence of that love and contact in the first place that made them vulnerable. I for one am committed to express and show love more freely.

Joy in the Simple Things

Today was a day of simple joys.

* The joy of sweeping the gutter with my grandkids in the glorious sunlight. When I asked Corby if he would help sweep the gutter, he looked so confused. I later found out while we were working that his only reference to a gutter was the bowling alley. Cute, huh?
* The joy of cleaning our light fixtures on the outdoor pillars and putting in new bulbs. Actually, the real joy came later when it was dark and from my office I could see them shining brightly. Isn't it just plain fun to keep looking at the product of your labor? I just turned and looked at the light again.
* The joy of taking the large overflowing basket of newspapers to be recycled.
* The joy of cleaning out and organizing my refrigerator. Scary but joyful.
* The joy of crawling into a neatly made bed. Jim Gaffigan says that why should he bother making the bed when he gets out of it because he doesn't tie his shoes after he takes them off. Point well made, but I still prefer to make my bed and this is after not bothering to do it for years and now realizing what I missed.
* The joy of getting everything on my to do list for the week completed and physically crossing each item off. Isn't there something magical about crossing something off of a list? Who needs chocolate?

I have had some amazing experiences in my lifetime but it is usually the little things that bring the most joy. Especially good old-fashion work. What is your little thing? I am committed to being mindful of and savoring the simple pleasures of life.

Goals revisited

I have been mindful of my breath and noticing that I have been returning back to old habits of not breathing deeply and exhaling completely. I have noticed that when I hold onto some of my breath that it seems to be stored in my shoulders. Kind of symbolic of carrying a lot of responsibility that isn't mine and proof that my physical body can carry my emotions. For example, I realize I use to feel ultra responsible for who stayed on American Idol. I mean, I believed it was up to me to make sure that David Archeleta and Chris Allen didn't get voted off, and believe me, that was a lot of pressure (and they didn't even call to thank me)! Now I don't even vote at all, and it just feels so good to let go and let the rest of America decide. It's good to relax and breathe again.

It isn't just American Idol that I have felt this responsibility for. I think that I confused caring about someone for being responsible for them. Now I know that I can certainly care but not get uptight about what I really am not in charge of. I am using my complete breath exhalation to remind me to let go and let my Heavenly Father be in charge. Something tells me He is going to do a better job.

Relationships

It is amazing to me that I can google "mother and child in a car laughing" and I get exactly that. The internet is amazing.

Okay, so my next point in the vision star is the social part of me. The inspiration that locked in my brain years ago was when I passed one of our kid's friends driving with his mom. They were having a good laugh and I thought to myself, "That's weird. You mean a mother and son can actually have a good time together and the mom isn't droning on and on about why we have weeds (long story)? Actually, the son isn't riding on top of the car as the mom is trying to ditch him (another long story)? Wow, that's a novel idea."

Anyway, this visual image helped me realize that families could have fun together. I am just still trying to live up to that image because sometimes I can take this mothering business way too serious.

Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck is someone who could always make me laugh and became my emotional role model. Her book, "Family-The Ties That Bind...And Gag!" rescued me one day when I was so frustrated and discouraged with being a mother. I remember being in my room feeling like such a failure, and I started to read this book. Erma talks about family life in a humorous, sarcastic way with a lot of honesty and love. Pretty soon I was laughing and decided I would keep my family after all. I learned from Erma that there is usually a humorous side to life and especially living with an interesting family.

Inspiration Star

Wow! I figured out how to put my inspiration star on this blog.

Now I move to the bottom left point of the star which is the mental part of my self where i have placed a picture of a professor that I had in my second college life. It was in my adult college experience where I was always prepared and continually making comments, just like the adults that were so annoying in my first college life and that Taylee says has been annoying in hers. Yes Taylee, I was one of those! Please note that I do not carry my professor's picture; it is just amazing how I can google any image keyword and voila, there is his picture.

Dr. Herrin profoundly influenced my desire and aptitude for deep learning and I will be forever grateful for his method of teaching and learning. He taught me to not just absorb information but to find deeper understanding by looking up definitions, asking questions of myself, what it means to be open minded, and to be mindful of how what I learn can be applied especially in the service learning that was required for the class. I especially loved that he has the same religious faith as me and would suggest church books to read and study, so it became not only a wonderful mental experience but a spiritual one as well.

He solidified my appreciation for journal writing as the only "testing" in the class was to write to demonstrate our understanding. I learned that memorization and regurgitation of facts isn't real deep learning but that having to write about it is. Thank you Dr. Herrin.

Star Vision Board

I already talked about my physical inspiration years ago that motivated me to get in better shape. I decided to make a star vision board with pictures representing my inspiration in each dimension. At each point of the star is a picture and in the center of the star is the word "gratitude" because I am appreciative of my sources of motivation and inspiration. This picture is at the physical point.

At the top of my star is the picture of the book "The Hiding Place." If you haven't read it (run don't walk to get it), it is about two Christian sisters who were sent to a concentration camp for hiding some Jewish people. What really touched me was these two sisters love of the scriptures and their willingness to risk their lives to smuggle them in and read them in the camp. When I read the book years ago, I had to ask myself if I loved the scriptures that much; and no, at the time, I didn't. It became a goal for me to learn to value and love reading the scriptures. I have achieved that goal. Thank you Corrie Ten Boom for your example.