Rules

There are some good rules and then there are rules that don't make sense. This morning I noticed that I have a weird rule for myself--that if I miss my normal time of eating breakfast that I still have to have a "breakfast" meal before I can go on to having a lunch meal. When I pray for more truth and awareness, it is interesting how many silly rules that I have allowed to dictate my life. I want to get better at letting truth and the Spirit guide my life and not some crazy rule imposed by the culture or other people. What I love about the direction of our prophet and apostles is that their counsel comes from Heavenly Father and is based on true principles and is universally and uniquely applicable.

I'm a Rebel

I was born a rule keeper. Give me a rule, no matter how lame, and I will keep it. Not only will I keep it but I will expect everyone else to keep it. Until now...

I am breaking the no-Christmas-tree-up-past-January rule. In fact, I am going all out and not planning to take down my Christmas tree all year. How is that for being a rebel?! I figure I am getting rid of those expectations that are imposed by someone else and giving myself permission to do what I want as long as I can still keep my temple recommend. The last time I checked, if I take my Christmas tree down isn't one of the questions.

Wow, I feel so liberated. Now that I have gone this far, what's next? Any suggestions?

Unfair Awareness-Comparisons

I have often been guilty of a very unfair awareness. I am aware of my faults but then I am so aware of other people's strengths (because we so want to hide our weaknesses and difficulties so they aren't as visible) that I can thus feel like I don't measure up. I then am tempted to find fault in them to make myself feel better.

To feel better about myself, the cure is not in finding fault with others, but a greater awareness of my strengths. When I focus on what I am good at and celebrate that then I am in a better position to celebrate other people and what they are good at. God said that He gave all of us gifts and to be jealous of what He has given someone else creates ingratitude for what He has given me. So now when I see someone's thick luscious hair, gorgeous and flawless face, beautiful singing voice, and on and on, I will just be grateful that I am a gifted sleeper and have a strong bladder. No, it's not useful in a talent competition but at least I wake up refreshed and traveling without sanitary bathrooms is a lot easier. Who says God isn't fair in His distribution of gifts?

Choose to Become

I have great friends that are a constant source of inspiration and ideas. One such friend has picked as her theme for the year "Choose to Become" the person she wants to be, and then she is focusing on a different attribute each month that she wants to fully embrace.

I know that it is important to work on what I am deep inside instead of what I do or what I have. The doing and having will take care of themselves when I work on the inner part of me. I realize that this journey is one of discovering the person I was created to be and so I am committed to seeking guidance from my Heavenly Father who is my creator, and acknowledge that I am His co-creator as I make choices and submit to His will in order to become what He wants me to be.

Breath in the Truth

It has been such an amazing thing since I have been more diligently praying for truth. One little interesting thing I have noticed is that when I sit down and write either in my journal, for this blog, or for a school assignment, that when I type something that I know to be truth that I automatically take in a deep breath. I have also been more aware of how much deeper the breath is depending on how deeply profound that truth is. When God said he gave Adam the breath of life, He really meant it. I don't just breath in air, I breath in truth and a big part of living is learning truth.

The other thing I realize at even a greater degree is that I get what I ask for. I have been asking for truth and Heavenly Father has been pouring it in. On that I will end with a deep breath.

Strengths

It is easiest for me to see my weaknesses because I have sort of been programmed to see the glass half empty. I do know that God has given me weaknesses and promised that if I turn to Him that He will turn those weaknesses into strengths. I believe for me to focus on just my weaknesses is only looking at one side of my gifts. I know that my Father has also given me strengths and to ignore them is to ignore His unique gifts to me. At the same time that I am open and aware of my weaknesses, I want to be vigilant in recognizing and being thankful for my strengths.

Having a tremendous amount of faith is one of the greatest strengths that Heavenly Father has given me. It isn't something that I can take credit for but it is a gift that I must nourish and grow. I do know that my challenges in life and my weaknesses make it so much more obvious how much I need this strength of faith. It is in the most difficult circumstances that I have had to draw upon that strength.

In counting my blessings, I am going to name my strengths one by one. Does anyone have a magnifying glass I can borrow? Sometimes it is harder for me to see the good.

Transparency

I believe it is important to be a little more honest and open about myself. It doesn't serve any of us when we are pretentious and hide our true selves. One of the first things that the adversary told Adam and Eve after they ate the forbidden fruit is that they should be ashamed and go hide. I have come to know that hiding from others is damaging. It is our honest and open connection that makes us strong and thus it is why families are sealed--to make that connection eternal.

I just heard this thought by Albert Hubbard that has had a big impact on me. "If men could only know each other they would neither idolize or hate." I have found that really knowing someone, and especially knowing their history and heartache, has had that affect on me. It has taught me to be more understanding and less judgmental.

After completing my year of blogging, I originally wanted to continue to blog everyday but do it completely privately in my journal and really open up about myself and my private struggles and weaknesses. (I know what you are thinking, "Isn't that what you've been doing for the last year? And I answer, no, not completely; I have still kept up some pretenses.)

I decided however, that I still wanted to share my journey, and I want to have a little more transparency in an effort that I might give people hope, knowing it is okay to see the honest truth about ourselves. I like Nephi, declare that I am a wretched woman (of course, Nephi said he was a man not a woman) but nevertheless, I do know in whom I must trust. It is only in seeking and embracing the true principles of the gospel and ultimately relying on the redeeming power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ that I can have hope. It is knowing that I have that safety net that allows me to take a hard look and be honest about my weaknesses.

Teaching

One of the greatest opportunities being a member of the LDS Church is the opportunity to be a teacher. It is always the teacher that learns the most. Right now I am preparing a lesson for the young women on the importance of teaching. I know that this blog and what I have learned and articulated has been one of my great teachers and if I can use this forum to teach others then I feel like it has value, so I am going to be back at this again. I have missed my daily blog.

Once I had my handwriting analyzed by a professional that didn't know me at all and immediately she told me that I am a teacher that takes it to a whole new level. I think she meant an obnoxious level and so I have to be on guard that I don't over teach, which I know I am prone to do. The beauty of this blog and what I have missed for the last little while is that I can share what I have learned and hopefully get that desire to teach out of my system somewhat so that I don't go overboard teaching in my everyday life. It's a nice intention but don't count on it.