The Light that shines through the dakness

I am not trying to compare myself to Joseph Smith, but today I realized that in the Doctrine and Covenants that some of the most moving inspiration to Joseph came at his darkest hours. I want to share a portion of the tender mercies that I have received and declare that God is always there in our darkest hours.

The other night after Kev's public apology, this saintly women, Pamela Atkinson, who is the Mother Theresa of Utah, was the first one there to hug and console me. As I looked into her eyes and saw and felt her deep love, compassion, and understanding, I wept as I felt like I was truly in the presence of Christ-like love. I know that she is not one to condone sin and indiscretion, but she is truly one to love the sinner, and aren't we all sinners to some degree? I know I am.

I am so grateful to have locked into my memory the love that I witnessed in Pamela Atkinson's eyes because she has helped me focus on Christ-Like love of instead of the hateful comments anonymously made on the internet that reveal their own misery. Oh what a great world this would be if everyone has the compassion and love that Pamela Atkinson exhibits. Pamela, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I want to be more like you, and in so doing I will be more like my Savior.

In the aftermath of this public disclosure, it has also been emotional to receive an outpouring of love and support, and it has taken my appreciation for family and friends to a whole new level. To all those who have prayed for us, sent messages and love, thank you. It means so much to me. You have inspired me to be a better person.

I have always had a deep and abiding testimony that our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ can make something good out of everything that is difficult. I know that when I trust my Heavenly Father and focus on what I can learn from and am grateful for in any situation then I heal and grow. Becoming a victim and being revengeful is never healing.

Back on Track

I got a little derailed in the last few days and today I just got in my exercise clothes but never did exercise or shower. UGH! I realize there is always something that I can't control in my life, and so my focus needs to be on that which I can control and I can certainly control if I exercise and take a shower. Today I learned that drifting off from my daily routine and positive habits sets me up for a day of laziness and deep dissatisfaction. Even though there are some things that are really difficult in my life right now, it is even more important that I stay with the routine and habits that keep me grounded and centered. There is a place of peace even in the most trying circumstances and my daily habits and especially communion with my Heavenly Fathar help me tune into that peace.

Life Test

In school you study hard and then you take a test. If you don't study then the test is difficult and you might fail.

In life we are encouraged to study the scriptures. In life tests also come but they come when we least expect it, and if we have done our studying then we can pass the test.

I now know that scripture reading is not just some to do item to check off the list. It is life's greatest schooling.

I am so grateful for my study guide. I know that studying the scriptures have prepared me for life's great tests. With my Heavenly Father's help, I will pass.

He rescues me

Sometimes life can get really hard but it is easier knowing there is forgiveness and healing.

Beliefs, Thoughts, & Feelings

I have mentioned this before but it is worth repeating. If I want to change a behavior, I must first change my beliefs, thoughts, and feelings about that behavior.

I must first notice what I say to myself and out loud to others because it will manifest what my belief is. For example, if I think or say that I lack discipline, then it is important to question and challenge that belief because what I believe in will happen--either good or bad. I believe that is a part of having faith. Having faith in my limiting or God-given abilities, whichever I choose.

The other night at a dinner function we were attending, I had enjoyed the main entree and out of habit was starting to look forward to the dessert. I realized that I had this lingering belief that dessert was the "grand finale" but then I quickly changed my belief and told myself that the main course was the best ending of the meal. I honestly felt a buzz go through my body realizing that I had just changed a belief, thought, and feeling. Wow, it works, and yes, I'm weird.

More Healthy Eating

My plan to focus on eating colorful foods is working nicely. I feel so much more energy and the cravings for sugar is almost gone. Not that desserts don't look good, but I feel so satisfied that I don't have to have them, AND LIFE IS EVEN STILL WORTH LIVING! Now that is a major milestone. Let's get a cake and celebrate. KIDDING!

Also my plan to eat more often is helping. When I don't let my blood sugar get too low, then I don't crave the refined foods that will raise it quickly and I am not so prone to overeat. I have realized that going too long without eating or overeating triggers my sugar cravings.

Now a word about soynuts. I have found them to be a great source of protein that helps keep blood sugar level and is convenient to keep in my car when I can't get another healthy snack. I also learned from a friend who spent three years on a mission in Japan that there isn't a Japanese word for menopause because of all the soy in their diet, they don't have that disorder. So my soynuts will help keep me from going crazy. Whoops, too late.

Punishment

Yesterday I mentioned punishment. This picture brings back memories of Mr. Bowman's class in 7th grade. Yes, he had a paddle and used it on me several times. For a few of us loud mouths in the class, it became sort of a reward to get to sign our name on the paddle and put checks for each time it was used on us. I was towards the top of my class.

How many times have I sort of punished myself for a mistake thinking that it would motivate me to do better. The truth is, the results of my mistakes are punishment enough; I don't have to add to it.

The same goes for other people in my life. I just need to make sure I am not the one to fix or suffer for someone mistakes. Letting them repair the damage is all the consequence they need. Sorry kids, for ever yelling over spilled milk. I should have just let you clean it up, but no I played the martyr and cleaned it up myself and like the accomplished martyr that I was, I yelled at you instead. If I would have let them clean it up, we both would have been happier. Why is it so much easier to see that now?

I have come to know that Heavenly Father doesn't punish us. He loves us so much that he gives us commandments to protect us from pain. When we break the commandments, it is the natural consequences that punishes us.