Sunday, October 27, 2013

Left Eye to Left Eye Connection

I have learned so much from my educational experience but some of the most important learning came from trying to find solutions to life's difficulties. It seems like education can fall flat because it doesn't seem very relevant; but when there is a real problem, I become a more eager student.

One of the most interesting ideas and practice that I have learned from a family counselor in California was what he called "the dialog of intimacy." He taught how it has been found through research that while looking left eye to left eye that there is a deeper emotional connection. This morning after watching a message by Robert D. Hales, "Parenting: Touching the Hearts of our Youth," I was reminded of this practice as Elder Hales talked about really connecting to our children while we converse.

Let me explain what the dialog of intimacy is all about. I do this not really for the benefit of anyone else, but for mine because I often forget to practice the valuable lessons that I have learned. As my granddaughter Kinzlee predicted, "I'm old and I'll forget." That is what teaching is all about. It actually blesses the teacher more than it does the student. I guess that is why a handwriting analyst once said about what my handwriting revealed--I take teaching to a whole new level, which translated means, I can really bore people to death. I think I was born to teach not because anyone else needed to learn from me but so that I could finally figure things out.

Practicing the dialog of intimacy includes looking left eye to left eye and then defending the other person and really feeling, understanding, and supporting what they are saying. It doesn't mean that we have to agree but that we understand and validate their feelings without stating or defending our own position. As we defend their position and feelings, we leave ourselves completely available to really see them and feel what they are feeling. I have discovered that when I am consciously doing this that people open up in a whole new way and I feel a greater connection and come to greater understanding. I just realized that this is a lesson that would be beneficial to politicians. Right now I am picturing myself at a table addressing a senate committee meeting. 

Because of this new education, I started to realize that I have often been too busy to have that heartfelt connection with my family. I bought into the pathetic notion that what I accomplish and can show for my accomplishments is more important than heartfelt connection. Not only do I get so busy with the task at hand but I even feel compelled to do two things at once thinking doubling tasking is a gift. It isn't. It is an ongoing problem and thus why I am revisiting this powerful lesson.

I also hope that anyone reading this, especially young moms can learn from my mistakes because I know that I didn't always see into the souls of my children like I wished I would have. Unfortunately there are even more distractions today. Luckily it is never too late and I love the realization that we aren't necessarily here to do things right, we are here to learn from our experience and hopefully others can as well. Thanks for letting me teach so that I can learn.

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