Movie Night

We went to see this movie with our son, Jordan. Powerful and very moving. I cried and thought deeply about so many lessons it portrayed. Childhood wounds that could have been the catalyst for the characters portrayed in the shadows in this picture of Walt Disney and the author of the books, Mary Poppins. The movie highlighted how different the response to being hurt can be.  I loved this film and any film that  touches my emotions and in which I come away with wanting to be a better person.





On our anniversary, we also saw another powerful movie. Philomena. It spoke of the horrific ramifications of a religious people taking on the role of judging and seeking their own kind of punishment for people's sins. I couldn't help but see how when people try and live according to what is expected of them without experiencing joy, then they will resent others who haven't made those same kind of sacrifices and want to force them to suffer.

New Year's Resolution

My New Year's Resolution

Just Love.

Love and embrace the gospel and the pure love of Christ
Love and relish each moment
Love people with more inclusion and affection
Love time spent with people
Love without judgment, including self
Love new possibilities and opportunities
Love the beauty of nature
Love learning and good books
Love writing
Love travel
Love design
Love order and cleanliness
Love good, wholesome food
Love exercise
Love laughter
Love being playful
Love serving
Love music
Love entertaining
Love my unique gifts and offerings
Love with pure gratitude

Just Love.

Happy Anniversary!

Today marks 37 years since I married this guy. It is no secret that it hasn't always been an easy journey, but there is a saying that captures it well. "I never said it would be easy, I just said it would be worth it."

I have learned volumes through my experience in marriage. I have learned to be more understanding and forgiving and have had to dig deep to experience the kind of unconditional love that my Heavenly Father offers to me. I have learned to be more dependent on the Spirit and to transcend my personal desire to be angry, bitter, and act as a judge to punish in an effort to get revenge. I have learned not to take someone's choices personally as an intentional sin against me, and to look beyond the here and now and to see the long-term possibilities. It is realizing that people don't usually make painful choices in defiance but out of some aspect of pain. It is up to all of us to resist judging the choices and look underneath and have compassion on the pain.

The most important lessons I have learned, however, has been about my own faults and imperfections and my personal need for the Atonement. Some of us are gifted to be rule followers and others are gifted to love and have compassion at a deeper level. Someone like me that it comes easy to follow the rules might look down on and judge people that have to learn from their painful experience in bending or even breaking the rules because of my personal focus on rule following instead of just loving. Don't get me wrong, commandments are always important, but the greatest commandment is to love.

Being married to Kev has taught me so much about having more compassion and understanding because of his pure heart and love for others, maybe not just in spite of his aversion to "rule following," but possibly because of it. Those that break the rules seem to develop more love and compassion than those of us who are more Pharisee-like don't achieve as easily, and Kev's example to me has been life changing. I am learning that all the rules are just to help us love--first God, ourselves, and then others.

I have learned that the greatest lessons and growth come from great adversity; but in this marriage, I have also had great experiences of joy. Being married to Kev has been such a blessing. I have been able to be a full-time mother and homemaker and have had many rich and wonderful opportunities and experiences because of his hard work and abilities.

We have had such joy together raising six children and appreciating our grandchildren and establishing wonderful traditions that can last a life time and into eternity. It has been an exciting adventure to learn to communicate, understand, and appreciate each other at a deeper level. I know that I have learned lessons that I couldn't have learned being married to anyone else besides this great man. I am not only glad I stayed with him but grateful that he has hung in there with me as well.

What a Week

This has been a week filled with incredible highs and lows. A couple of days before Christmas, our neighbors lost their son and daughter in law in a tragic death and then my nephew lost their baby girl to a sudden meningitis infection. Along with the sadness came an increase appreciation for the meaning of Christmas and all that the Savior's birth brought to us.

Although we felt the pain of our neighbors and family, we had a wonderful Christmas Day and found more appreciation for family. All of our kids were here for Christmas and my Mom spent part of the day with us along with Kev's parents.

In the days prior to Christmas we had joy in hosting a grand children's sleepover, going out to dinner with friends, having our traditional prime rib dinner the Sunday before Christmas, hosting another dinner for Kev's parents and siblings, hosting a Christmas Eve brunch for my extended family, another gathering with our kids Christmas Eve, and then Christmas day brunch with our kids and my Mom. It was a lot of work all week but it was so joyful and rewarding.

After Christmas, I took my Mom up to Mantua to visit her only living sister and my deceased uncle's wife. It was great to walk down memory lane with them and see the pictures of their families. We also attended the viewings and yesterday were only able to only attend little Ridley's funeral because it was at the same as our neighbor's children's funeral. The funeral was amazing. So comforting and sweet.

Since the funeral was out in Roy, my mom, sister in law, and I went to visit my Dad's only living sibling, Uncle Arlo and his wife Carol Mae. How fun to visit and reminiscence with them about the many summers going to Bear Lake with their family. I am grateful for the example of my mom. She is so good to stay in touch with relatives and go visit them.

One of the sweetest endings of any day was the opportunity I had to go to the temple last night and witness the sealing of sweet baby Ridley to her parents in the Bountiful temple. Because she was adopted and didn't live long enough for the adoption to be final and the sealing to have taken place, they still needed that ordinance done. They were able to get permission to have that done only hours after the funeral and it was so sweet to watch as Ridley's birth mother was the proxy for the baby. I decided that every funeral should end at the temple. It made for a very comforting place to be.

Living what I love

I haven't posted for a couple of months. That is because I have been living what I love to do and haven't been just writing about it. Sometimes living what I love to do is just simply giving myself permission to do that which I am drawn to and then boldly stepping out of comfort zones and making it happen. It is simply noticing what makes my heart sing even if it is just humming in a little whisper, and realizing that I wasn't meant to hold back but I am meant to take advantage of opportunities and savor them completely. For me, it is embracing that there really isn't an award for sacrificing what I love to do. The reward is in sacrificing what hurts or brings me pain and denying myself joy.

Enjoying the Moment

So I was sitting down to do a little filing. Boring job, I know. And that is what I started to think, and then because that is what I was thinking, the task became even more miserable and I just wanted to suffer through it and get it done. Then I realized, this is exactly what "being present in the moment" is all about. I can hate the moment and just wish I could hurry and perform the task, or I can enjoy it. It really is my choice.

It is amazing what a state of mind can do. It has been revealing as I have become more in tune with how my body is feeling and realizing, especially when I am trying to accomplish something, how I have become so use to stress and anxiousness that it has become a part of my body as if it is a second skin and it is pulsating through my veins. I know this is what an addiction to "doing" instead of just "being" has done to me. Some wise words in scriptures say it best. "Stay yourself and wonder," or "Be still and know that I am God," which to me means slow down and ponder and meditate especially meditating on enjoying the moment and realizing that I can trust God and that I am only in charge of aligning myself with His Spirit, which is the spirit of peace and joy.

Left Eye to Left Eye Connection

I have learned so much from my educational experience but some of the most important learning came from trying to find solutions to life's difficulties. It seems like education can fall flat because it doesn't seem very relevant; but when there is a real problem, I become a more eager student.

One of the most interesting ideas and practice that I have learned from a family counselor in California was what he called "the dialog of intimacy." He taught how it has been found through research that while looking left eye to left eye that there is a deeper emotional connection. This morning after watching a message by Robert D. Hales, "Parenting: Touching the Hearts of our Youth," I was reminded of this practice as Elder Hales talked about really connecting to our children while we converse.

Let me explain what the dialog of intimacy is all about. I do this not really for the benefit of anyone else, but for mine because I often forget to practice the valuable lessons that I have learned. As my granddaughter Kinzlee predicted, "I'm old and I'll forget." That is what teaching is all about. It actually blesses the teacher more than it does the student. I guess that is why a handwriting analyst once said about what my handwriting revealed--I take teaching to a whole new level, which translated means, I can really bore people to death. I think I was born to teach not because anyone else needed to learn from me but so that I could finally figure things out.

Practicing the dialog of intimacy includes looking left eye to left eye and then defending the other person and really feeling, understanding, and supporting what they are saying. It doesn't mean that we have to agree but that we understand and validate their feelings without stating or defending our own position. As we defend their position and feelings, we leave ourselves completely available to really see them and feel what they are feeling. I have discovered that when I am consciously doing this that people open up in a whole new way and I feel a greater connection and come to greater understanding. I just realized that this is a lesson that would be beneficial to politicians. Right now I am picturing myself at a table addressing a senate committee meeting. 

Because of this new education, I started to realize that I have often been too busy to have that heartfelt connection with my family. I bought into the pathetic notion that what I accomplish and can show for my accomplishments is more important than heartfelt connection. Not only do I get so busy with the task at hand but I even feel compelled to do two things at once thinking doubling tasking is a gift. It isn't. It is an ongoing problem and thus why I am revisiting this powerful lesson.

I also hope that anyone reading this, especially young moms can learn from my mistakes because I know that I didn't always see into the souls of my children like I wished I would have. Unfortunately there are even more distractions today. Luckily it is never too late and I love the realization that we aren't necessarily here to do things right, we are here to learn from our experience and hopefully others can as well. Thanks for letting me teach so that I can learn.