Darkness

A couple of years ago I had a experience that at the time I thought was for no expected reason. I was laying in bed about to go to sleep when out of nowhere I started to sink in a dark hole as if falling into the darkness of a deep funnel. It was the most hopelessly despairing feeling, and it gave me a brief taste of what the darkness of deep depression feels like.

I now know why I had that brief experience. It was to prepare me so that I would know how to help someone who was experiencing that last night and quite frankly has for years. It was a night that I was also losing faith and overcome with fear, but I am grateful for my brief encounter with darkness years ago so that I would know that at that moment someone else was sinking even lower than I was, and thus I could help lift him out of that deep hole of that dark funnel. I feel like it gave me a minuscule taste of what our Savior felt for us in the garden so that He could help us in our hour of grief.

This morning I came to my own breaking point and felt a significant release of emotion as I let out all the anxiety and hurt that I have been experiencing but had to hold in in order to be strong for others. I have learned in a significant way that although I am able to rely on my Heavenly Father and Savior, sometimes I don't allow those in my life to fully feel the pain of what I am going through and let them lift me. This morning as I was breaking, someone else who I have been strong for got to experience my pain and take care of me. That was very healing for us both.