Inside versus outside validation

Okay, continuing on from yesterday...

I have concluded that the reason I often went from one extreme of work and no play to the other extreme of play, play, play is that in the first instance I have to admit that I was probably guilty of doing things for the wrong reasons. Some of my most important motivations use to be trying to prove myself by seeking outside or external validation, and that was being somewhat of a hard-driven martyr because of that puritan programming that to be "righteous" I shouldn't be good to myself and enjoy life but instead be overachieving and overstressed. It was my ill-perceived notion of what the "culture" expected of me and thus what I expected from myself.

Well the other extreme is just as destructive where I can get somewhat burnt out and then become too self-indulgent and not care what other people think I should be doing and sort of stubbornly resisting the "cultural rewards." But I have found that either caring too much of the external approval or stubbornly not caring at all still put my focus outside of my internal inspiration and peaceful direction.

I have found that the best way to be motivated is from within myself and my deep connection with my Heavenly Father's inspiration. I know that I will find my balance for work and play if I tune into what is right for me as directed by Him and not according to what I am expected to do by the "culture" or any other external motivation, reward, or direction. I realize that my ability to tune in and do my own assessment of what is right for me isn't what I have been taught because we live in a world that is externally judged, graded, and rewarded. I want to get better at asking my Heavenly Father to help me determine my own grade and especially getting better at just tuning into how an activity makes me feel instead of getting an outside reward.

Whoa, sometimes I get a little too analytical; even for me. I'll go more lighthearted and shallow tomorrow. I'll talk about shoes.