Winter Garden

I just finished reading this book late last night. I read a lot of human development and psychology books and my book collection rivals any psychologist's library, but I am committed to reading more novels. The interesting thing is that not only am I entertained and transformed to a different place and time, but I also come away feeling like I have also learned about human behavior because it is always interwoven in the story line. I not only get an education about human behavior but the historical aspect is also compelling. I marvel at how much research goes into a good novel and appreciate the variety of ways that I can be educated while being entertained. I would highly recommend this book and invite my friends to sign up for Good Reads where we can share what we have read.

Pity Party

I have had so many pity parties in my life that I should become a caterer. The truth is I can whine or I can do something about it. I want to choose to do something about it.

Take for instance, the heat of summer. I don't like it when it gets too hot. I guess I had better live a good life because hell will be too hot for me.

With that said, I can either whine about the heat or I can creatively problem solve. It hit me that what I use to think of as a curse is really a blessing in disguise. If you don't want too much information, STOP READING NOW.

Okay now I know you have an inquiring mind, so... It's no secret that I am still waiting to develop into a woman and the only reason I need to wear a bra is for the padding. So, the good news is, I have discovered how much cooler it is when I don't wear a bra and just rely on my religious undergarments to be my underclothing. Nothing shows anyway.  Wow, I am liberated not just as a woman but I am liberated from the heat. Couple that with a skirt and the heat is a lot easier to tolerate. Who knew!!!

When Nice isn't Nice

• Repeatedly bailing them out - of jail, financial problems, other "tight spots" they get themselves into
• Giving them "one more chance" - ...then another...and another
• Ignoring the problem - because they get defensive when you bring it up or your hope that it will magically go away
• Joining them in the behavior when you know they have a problem with it
• Joining them in blaming others - for their own feelings, problems, and misfortunes
• Accepting their justifications, excuses and rationalizations
• Avoiding problems - keeping the peace, believing a lack of conflict will help
• Doing for them what they should be able to do for themselves
• Softening or removing the natural consequences of the problem behavior
• Trying to "fix" them or their problem
• Repeatedly coming to the "Rescue"
• Trying to control them or their problem

My walking friends and I were talking about when being nice just isn't nice, and I found this great list of ways that what we might think is being nice that actually hurt instead because it enables people to be stuck in destructive behavior. The greatest cure is love but love often has to be tough and speak the truth. The truth might not seem nice but it is the best help.

Starting Over

I was reading a little thing about ways to be healthier and it said that if you have been eating unhealthy and want to start over to just drink a big cleansing glass of water.  Even if I keep veering off from my healthy eating habits, at least I get a lot of water when I start over. I'm glad I get to start over not only physically but spiritually, emotionally, socially, and mentally. Grateful all the people in my life have a lot of patience with me.

Mistakes

It's weird sometimes how stars just seem to line up.  In this case, maybe it isn't a big enough deal to refer to it as stars.  Maybe just flashlights. Anyway, when I was watching my 7-year-old grandson make pancakes and he at first asked me to pour the batter onto the grill but then took the plunge and did it himself, I realized that he was learning by the first mistake of pouring too close to the edge. It came to me that being a perfectionist (recovering, sort of) that I was sometimes afraid to let my kids do something that might lead to a mistake. But watching my grandson this morning taught me that mistakes are a great way to learn, maybe the only way. T

After my grandkids left and I had my relaxing moment visiting pinterest. I found a pin from a friend about this children's book. Timely. Being too impatient to wait and visit a bookstore, I downloaded it on my ipad. It is a great book with a great message. Life is a lot more fun if we aren't worried about mistakes. Teaching that to my children and grandchildren is easier if I embrace that for myself. Using a mistake as an opportunity to learn rather than a stick to beat myself with is the best way to relax and enjoy life rather than fearing a mistake. I love to learn but I don't relish being abused.

Downton Abbey

I love this show mainly because I use to think I was lazy if I hired help.  Now I realize I am giving people a job.  How nice of me.  I am just baffled by how long I have gone dressing myself.  I am going to hire someone to do that and insist they call me "Me Lady."  The problem is they will never know what time to actually get me ready. Could be 6 am, could be noon, might even be 3 pm. 

The bells in the movie do remind me of living in the Chi Omega house and ringing the bell at dinner to summons Chuck to serve us. Chuck was our house boy from a local fraternity. Everyone needs a house boy. Why I got married and left that set up, I will never know!  (A little side note. For most of the time Chuck worked there, he had long, scraggly hair; but one day he showed up with a handsome haircut revealing how good looking he was. We started ringing the bell more often!)

Whoops, I got a little sidetracked with college memories. Seriously, I love this period piece because I enjoy being placed in another place in time and learning about history.  The show also demonstrates how much we can buy into traditions that need to be questioned and possibly changed.  The tradition of a male-dominate society in which daughters couldn't inherit the title and money is crazy.  Even a guy to inherit an unearned title is weird. How many of our traditions that we embrace right now will seem equally bizarre in the future? Like boys wearing their pants below their butts. Wait, that already seems weird.

Compassion

Late last night I was reading CNN news and came across the story of the bus monitor being bullied. I watched what happened and then read some of the comments. It was incredibly sad and disturbing to see the boys treat someone like they did, but I have to say that not only did the boys that bullied and taunted her seem to lack compassion, but also the comments about the boys on this news story lacked compassion. Nothing would ever ever justify their behavior but to turn around and bully and taunt them seems so brutal. I felt a great deal of compassion all the way around and realize that often those that are so cruel have been lacking in feeling real genuine love themselves and are just giving out the only thing they know. The only way to break that vicious cycle is with love and compassion. Loving the sinner but hating the sin.

Doing a google image search on the word compassion restored my faith in people and their ability to love. I saw pictures that moved me to tears and to want to act more compassionately. Because the pictures I find usually come from a blog post about that word, I have been reading some inspirational writing. There are so many good people out there that are contributing so much that is enlightening. It seems the negative and bitter people are writing hateful comments on news stories but there are amazing people writing in countless blogs, and today I was especially grateful to read about and be motivated by the compassionate people.