At a Turtle’s Pace

Criticizing and Soul Searching

2012-02-08T12:15:00.000-07:00

I just watched biggest loser and hated to see them criticize and be so hard on each other. I realize that when we are placed in a competitive situation, that can be a natural consequence. Watching them be so annoyed and criticize, kind of made me want to be critical of them. Kind of like judging people who judge--it is just more of the same. I had to stop myself and do a self-check; realizing that I should just see this as a mirror so I can see what I am guilty of and learn from it. It is like my favorite verse in the B of M, which says be grateful we see other people's mistakes but use that observation not to condemn them but to learn to be more wise. Criticizing someone else and doing my own soul searching cannot co-exist.

Complaining & Gratitude

2012-02-03T11:27:00.001-07:00

There are always emotions and feelings that cannot coexist. Faith and fear, love and hate, and complaining and gratitude. It is impossible to have the wonderful feelings of gratitude when I am busy complaining or even just focusing on complaints in my head. It feels so much better to feel gratitude than it does to focus on what I don't like. In everything, even the bad situations, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for, and I have discovered that gratitude is a light, fresh feeling, and complaining is dark and sticky. Gratitude energizes, and complaining is depressing. I even notice that when I am prone to feel like complaining that I want to eat sugar. I guess my body recognizes it needs something sweet. Gratitude is sweet and easier on the hips.

Complaining vs Problem Solving

2012-02-02T23:25:00.001-07:00

I have noticed that when I complain it kills all the creative juices that could and should go into problem solving. If I can see a problem, the best use of my energy is to figure out what I can do to fix it. Complaining is really giving my power away to someone or something else that I can't control. It is okay to recognize and acknowledge that there is a problem but then instead of just complaining, problem solving, however, gives me a creative outlet that ultimately gives me more satisfaction because I discover, just like He Man said, "I HAVE THE POWER!" If you or your kids didn't watch the He Man cartoons then you have no idea what I am talking about. If you did then you know who Skeletor is.

Less is More

2012-02-01T23:03:00.002-07:00

I found this great picture and caption. It goes along so well with what I have been realizing about sometimes having too much or thinking that more is better.

Powerful Words

2012-01-31T08:00:00.001-07:00

There are things that I say to myself that energize me and there are things that I say that block me. Even just saying or thinking that I am frustrated makes me feel even more frustrated. The same with berating myself for being undisciplined. It doesn't make me want to be better, in fact, it supports an unhealthy belief that keeps me doing exactly what I am doing to make my beliefs and my words true.

Instead of saying I am undisciplined or saying that I failed again, I will say I am learning and growing. I really know that each mistake or set back is just another opportunity to learn and do better. It is not what I am. I am capable of more and that belief will propel me.

I can do hard things

2012-01-25T00:10:00.001-07:00

I come to realize weird things about myself all the time. I realize that I can do hard things, in fact, I think I actually like to do hard things. Take my statistics class for example. I love it. It has been stressful trying to figure out the online statistics program that I have to do assignments on but then realize how good it feels when I can achieve something that is hard for me.

With all of this said, I also realize that I need to be careful that I don't want to do hard things enough so that I will subconsciously create something hard so that I can in fact do hard things. I do want to set goals for myself that will be hard but I don't want to have events in my life that will be hard just because I am bored and need a challenge. I will consciously create proactive challenges instead of allowing difficulties to come that I have to react in order to fill that need to do hard things.

Benefit of Pinterest

2012-01-23T13:12:00.004-07:00

I've discovered a great benefit to Pinterest. It is a lot like window shopping. I get to enjoy looking at things without having to purchase or even actually do it. I love looking at the ideas thinking what a great idea it is and then move on feeling as though I have experienced it for myself. Of course there will be some things I might actually want to do, but honestly I can feel like I have already received enough enjoyment out of it. I even might just print the pictures of great ideas and put the picture on the table the next time I host a party to show what I could have done. I even wonder if I can gain weight just looking at the dessert ideas.

It is the Little Things

2012-01-22T09:18:00.002-07:00

Greater awareness opens the door to seeing all the joy in the little things.
The great feeling after unloading at the D.I.
The sense of contentment realizing I can see something really cool in a store and know I don't have to own it, dust it, store it, and later take it to the D.I.
Grandkids who get so excited and run and hug me when they see me. (wait, that is in the category of a big thing)
Sliding in between newly washed sheets.
Figuring out how to work a statistics program in school.
Running up the stairs and just being grateful I can.
Feeling utter peace as I stop and take a deep cleansing breath.
Opening the refrigerator and realizing there is a container from a restaurant to eat for lunch. (I actually eat what is inside the container and not the container, in case you're wondering)
Driving up my street with a gorgeous view of the majestic mountains.
Working in the kitchen and catching a glimpse of a breathtaking sunset.
Having a scripture or a thought randomly show up just when I need it and just knowing things in my life are orchestrated for my good if I take time to notice.
Realizing that the things I learn in school are just what I needed to know.
Getting a little message in my head that tells me to bite my tongue. (Once again, a big thing for those who know me!)
Having a cute little gratitude app on my phone where I can write something I am grateful for and add a picture.
Another deep cleansing breath knowing I am on the right track being more aware and more grateful.

I've Been Tricked

2012-01-17T23:47:00.000-07:00

I finally get it. I've been tricked into thinking that buying or having more stuff means I have arrived. Even having too much food in the refrigerator can be almost as difficult as having too little. Goldilocks had it figured out. The fable really isn't about breaking and entering, it is about a healthy place in the middle--not too hot or too cold, not too hard or too soft, not too little or too big, It is finding "just right."

Balancing the Star

2012-01-16T15:49:00.000-07:00

I love this thought, which also means I love Pinterest. Anyway, these are the perfect questions to ask to balance the star. It includes the spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, and social part of me. I especially love thinking of the emotional as being about passion and creativity.

Couch Jumping

2012-01-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

Tom Cruise must have had a Grandparent's house like ours and that is why when he felt joy, he was jumping on Oprah's couch. Our grandkids jump on our couches. If you haven't been to our home, let me describe it. We have a long couch on one side of the room and then another one on the other side. In between the two couches are two upholster ottomans and sometimes I even have my mini tramp in between those so our grandkids jump from one couch to the ottoman, then bounce on the mini tramp, onto the other ottoman and ending on the other couch. Our family room is a tumbling gym, and the kids love it and I love that they love it. I have fond memories of going to my grandparents house and with my cousins, taking the furniture and turning it sideways to create a tent in the corner. I love that our home is not so pristine that they can't have such a great time. Of course, when the two 3-year olds were playing and climbing on the piano in the living room, we put a stop to that. Even at grandmas house, there are limits.

Awareness

2012-01-14T20:48:00.004-07:00

My New Year's Resolution creates an awareness for that which brings me joy that a focus on the external goals never adequately did. By removing the tedious and exhausting list of resolves on how to improve my new year, I am freed to notice how really wonderful life can be, especially in the little things. In essence, I am finding that my New Year's Resolution is really about discovering a new awareness that energizes my inner being and that ultimately translates into greater purpose in what I choose to do. Simply stated, my feelings of inner joy creates a stronger desire to continue to do more that brings me joy. It really is the inside-outside approach that I have always believed in but now my heart is falling in line with my head. No wonder we get to live forever, it is going to take me that long to figure this all out. Isn't it great that we get to learn from our experience even if I am on the remedial track.

No Sitting on the Sidelines

2012-01-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

The other night I went ice skating with the young women in our church. My first inclination was to sit on the side lines and watch them have fun. That was what I did when I helped drive my granddaughter and her friends to go ice skating for her birthday a couple of months ago. I just sat and watched and kept thinking I should join the fun, but I didn't

This time I resisted holding myself back and worrying about getting hurt; and although I had to skate the first lap hanging on the wall, I finally got a little braver and actually glided out with the big kids. Life is to be lived not watched. I loved that little bit of courage that I felt stepping out of my comfort zone.

Enjoying Relationships

2012-01-12T20:00:00.001-07:00

A big part of making the most of each day is taking the time to enjoy my relationships. Time invested in relationships doesn't have to have physical evidence to prove my productivity or accomplishment. It is a non-tangible pursuit; and in a world that seems to want a product to prove our success, it is easy to be deceived into wanting to put my time into more visible endeavors. I don't want to ever think that I have to have something to prove my accomplishment for the day. That is why my new year's resolution is so great. I can feel success having spent a day doing something such as connecting with people that makes me feel good. My success isn't showy.

One Resolution

2012-01-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

Seriously. My one and only New Year's Resolution is working beautifully. Living life to the fullest every day is much more effortless, and I am even more productive but also really enjoying the accomplishments. Focusing on how I feel and doing what I enjoy instead of what I want to or have to accomplish is much more peaceful and energizing. I have discovered that I really do enjoy hard and busy work but I am giving myself permission to enjoy the process and the feeling at the moment instead of just banking on feeling good when it is finished. I probably use to get more of a charge out of checking it off the list but now I feel good in the actual performance. Love it. Love life.

Less is More

2012-01-10T22:00:00.001-07:00

I realize that I have bought into a dysfunctional American dream that to have more and more is better. I haven't been dejunking but actually purging things from my home, and I discovered that less really is more. Take recipes and cooking for example. Clearing out the old recipes books and having less recipes to choose from has been a great motivator to cook more. Weird. I always thought the more choices I had the more motivated I would be. Not so. I am going to continue to purge because of how liberating and motivating it is. Warning to my family--make sure you are useful or out you go!

The Center of My Life

2012-01-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

Enough said.

Increased Lung Capacity

2012-01-06T22:37:00.000-07:00

Since I have been swimming, my lung capacity has increased and now I can run faster and longer with less effort. The other benefit is that when I am not exercising, my breaths are longer, deeper, and more relaxing.

It is the same in all areas of my life. The more I am stretched spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and socially, the greater my capacity, and the easier it is dealing with all that life throws at me.

No Excuses!

2012-01-05T22:24:00.003-07:00

I am going to repeat a saying I keep having to remind myself of. "No matter how valid the excuse, it doesn't change performance."

The theme for this season's Biggest Loser is "No More Excuses." I also happened to catch a program the other night on educational TV in which Wayne Dyer was speaking about "Excuses Begone." Seems like someone is trying to tell me something.

Just like in physical health, the excuses for not being healthy are not going to change the fact that we will have health problems. Excuses don't change performance and they won't change the negative consequences we suffer from.

I am not going to focus on excuses, and I am not going to enable others by feeding into their excuses. I am really clear about the fact that the excuses keep me from focusing on my responsibility and enabling others to dodge their responsibility, and ultimately could keep me from the need to repent and rely on the Atonement to overcome and improve and deny others that same opportunity.

Excuses are really a way to keep me from drawing close to my Savior. So when we say the devil made me do it, we really are saying the devil wants us to make excuses. In keeping with my new year's resolution to enjoy everyday and make it the best it can be, I am keenly aware how much better I feel when I give up excuses and improve and allow others to also.

Train Wreck

2012-01-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had to do some mindless work and so I thought I would watch a little TV while I did it. What I happened to turn on was the show Toddlers and Tiaras. Yes, just like a train wreak, I couldn't turn away. It is a show I had only seen previews of and swore I would never actually watch. I am just wondering why family social services isn't right there ready to arrest those mothers. Of course, I guess I am no better for having watched it going back and forth from amusement watching the Moms to sadness knowing the kind of affect that could have on those poor girls. After two episodes of that, Taylee and I continued watching "quality" TV with an episode of Hoarders. I am now going to bed feeling sorry for people and their circumstances but can't lie, I am feeling pretty good about my psychological condition and homemaking skills. I just hope I don't have to watch those shows every week to keep bolstering my self esteem.

Joy for Just a Moment

2012-01-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

I really get that there is joy that can seem great in the moment but that isn't really satisfying for very long. In fact, some of that temporary joy can turn into pain. I am getting better at recognizing the joy in the moment that creates lasting benefits, and that is the kind of joy I am seeking every day.

Swimming and loving it!

2012-01-02T23:26:00.004-07:00

This morning I headed off to the pool and discovered that everyone else was starting the year off determined to exercise. But that wasn't my intent. I was there because swimming makes me happy, and I am keeping my one resolution.

So, according to my new resolution; I wanted to start my day doing something that makes me feel great and the whole hour that I swam, I thought about what it is I love about swimming. First off, I love that I have a stylish swim cap that matches my swim suit (as stylish as I can get looking like a cone head). Even with swim wear I have to be matchy matchy (sorry Stacy) and that gives me a little thrill (yes, dull life).

I don't know the physic's explanation of what happens to my body when I am in water, but my stomach just sucks in like no other. Call me shallow, but it is a great feeling to feel that skinny, and this benefit is more noticeable since we just got the photos from my daughter's wedding and I forgot to suck in. Not a pretty sight. I should live in water or at least have all pictures taken in water.

The other thing is that with my ears under water, there is no sound and I am enveloped in a quiet hollowness that allows me to think deeply. Trust me, it is not that I am having profound epiphanies, but it is a quiet solitude that I feel in no other setting. It is awesome.

I also love how swimming forces me to breathe deeply and in a steady rhythm, in which I never feel out of breath. I also love that I walk away only smelling like chlorine and not a dirty gym. Lastly, I walk away feeling so physically incredible, and emotionally satisfied knowing that for that hour, I kept my resolution and had a great time.

A Relaxed New Year!

2012-01-01T22:30:00.002-07:00

This year I have one resolution. This year is going to be the best year ever. No more specific resolutions that get me focused on anything but truly enjoying my life. I know that I have gotten to the point that I know what brings me peace and joy and what doesn't (oh to be old and wise), and I will choose to do what makes me happy. This also means that I can even feel joy and peace doing all the things that I have to do that I didn't use to think would make me happy because enjoyment is always a choice. I can make every moment the best and that is what I make for my only resolution. Simple enough. Just saying that makes my whole body relax.

Buying With Good Intentions

2011-12-28T17:24:00.001-07:00

The annual decluttering begins. Right after Christmas I always feel a great need to dejunk my home and my life. I know it has a lot to do with the excess of Christmas and the start of a new year and wanting to get a fresh new start. As I decided to start with my kitchen and getting rid of and reorganizing, I was looking at my collection of cookbooks that have gradually diminished from my past dejunking pursuits and realized it is time to really clear out. I must accept the fact that I buy and save recipe books with good intentions. I must think, if I buy it I will cook it. No. Now is the time to really face the truth and realize that instead of just cooking, I keep distracting myself with the good intention of buying, accumulating, and saving. Besides, instead of distracting myself with cookbooks, I can now distract myself with pinning recipes.

Perfectionism

2011-12-27T10:00:00.001-07:00

I have given up the goal of trying to have things perfect, and an interesting thing has happened. I now just work hard and find that in the end, things just seem like they were perfect. Take for example, this last Christmas Day. I worked hard but gave up the idea that it had to be perfect; but when the day was over, it felt like it had been perfect. Same thing happened with my daughter's wedding. I now get it that nothing will ever be perfect in this world and giving up on that quest allows for it to seem perfect in its imperfection. The goal that is achievable is just being creative, working hard, and enjoying the process. Doing all of that makes it seem perfect even if it isn't. Goodbye perfectionism, hello satisfaction.

Prayer

2011-12-26T09:48:00.001-07:00

Some things are just so much easier than I have realized. I use to think that it would take so much work trying to "fix" someone when all I need to do is pray for them. Is all I have to do is love and be a good example and then pray that Heavenly Father will fix things. Some lessons come late and I am reminded that I have been in the spiritual remedial class, but then it helps me know how truly patient my Father is with me and helps me remember how patient I need to be with others. We are here to learn from our experiences and for someone as clueless and slow as me, the experiences have to be all the more dramatic to get my attention. At this Christmas time I am even more appreciative of my Savior and His loving, patient example.

A Town Like Alice

2011-12-22T17:31:00.002-07:00

Every once in awhile I am reminded of lessons I learned from good books. One of those lessons was from this book, A Town Like Alice. What had the biggest impact on me was how the main character couldn't actually live in the town called Alice, and so she worked hard at creating her own town to be like Alice. Often I look at someone's circumstances and wish I could live like that. This book reminds me that I can make my own circumstances more of what I want them to be. It really is up to me. I have to keep reminding myself.

Pray for a Miracle

2011-12-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a good friend and she was sharing how important it is that we sometimes just pray for a miracle. I know that miracles can change everything, so I prayed for one and realized that the miracle I need is to change me. I am asking that I can have the kind of unconditional love, understanding, and compassion that my Savior has. Now that's would be a much needed miracle.

Church Cancelled

2011-12-16T11:35:00.002-07:00

One of the most interesting blessings of the storm came a couple of days later when church was cancelled and neighbors were encouraged to help each other clean up before the next scheduled storm that was suppose to come later that night. The blessing wasn't in the fact that we didn't have to go to church but in the benefit of giving and receiving service that was shared in the next week's church service.

I have to say that I missed out on all the work because I was attending my granddaughter's blessing and dinner celebration in an area that wasn't so affected by the storms so their church wasn't cancelled. I know I was where I should have been and wanted to be and loved hearing my son give his daughter a beautiful blessing and enjoyed socializing at the dinner in their home, and in my imagination I could also feel the emotional experience and fun my home ward was having as they helped each other clean up from the storm. I felt the double blessing of being with my family and then feeling the emotions of my ward family as they experienced a unique opportunity.

I find it interesting that the scheduled storm that was suppose to come later that Sunday never came. Something to think about...

Benefit of the Storm

2011-12-15T07:46:00.001-07:00

For those that don't live on the Wasatch Front, you are probably unaware of the big storm that we had more than a week ago that created a lot of damage and left us without power for an entire day. I now want to reflect on the good that came out of that terrible storm.

1. I have new appreciation for electricity. How many times I would keep trying to switch on a light during that day only to have to remember, "Oh yea, we don't have power" or longed to use an appliance and realized how much I have taken it for granted.

2. I have new appreciation for firemen. At just the moment I was lamenting that I would be stranded for at least 24 hours before our lawn care could come and remove the downed tree that blocked our entire driveway, a fire truck pulled up and came to the door to ask if I wanted them to cut it up and move it. I didn't know they offered that service and I was so grateful that they showed up so quickly.

3. I have new appreciation for my lawn care serviceman, Dan. I appreciate how quickly he came to our rescue and spent an entire day and night here cleaning up the mess of several trees that fell, and his thoughtful concern of wanting to be fair and honest with us. I am thankful that I can completely trust him and for his hard work in servicing us so well.

4. I have new appreciation for a home that I can feel safe and secure in and for the comforts that I feel even when the winds were blowing so intensely outside.

5. I have a new appreciation for a ward family and for a good Bishop who reached out to his flock to offer support and direction, and for other ward members who were reaching out. It is nice to have such a great support system that is right in the neighborhood.

5. I have new appreciation for the crews of our power company and their hard work and diligence in restoring power. I appreciate the families of those employees that sacrificed for the good of the community.

6. I have greater commitment to get better prepared in case a real tragedy occurs. I am going to buy that generator that in times of calm, I am not motivated to acquire. This has been a great reminder of how important preparation is.

Lately I have been given great opportunity for increased appreciation for the little things that I can so easily take for granted. I will always look at a "storm" as being a reminder of being grateful and being prepared.

Get Real!

2011-12-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

I was just indulging in my new addiction--looking at pinterest, and something hit me hard. I need to get real. I am looking at the instructions to make snowflake marshmallows and realized, "Tanya, you need to get real--you are never going to make those!"

I need to accept the fact that there are some many wonderful ideas out there that I want to do but won't. It started years ago when I would see a dress pattern and fabric (this was in the dark ages when i use to sew) and actually think I was going to make it. No, I would get as far as cutting it out and then lose motivation and interest. The story of my life.

So now, I am going to see great ideas and say, "Get Real," and just enjoy it and don't even expect that I will do it. There's a lot less guilt that way.

Traditions Revisited

2011-12-10T22:12:00.002-07:00

Today I took most of my grandchildren to do something that I would always take their parents to do. We went to the Dickens Festival and had their pictures taken with this real Santa Claus. He is the same Santa that we had the pictures taken with so long ago. He is absolutely adorable and so cute with the kids. They also made the candles just like their parents made when they were little. It makes me realize that special times are never really over; they just get recycled.

P.S.When my one grandson said that he was a different Santa than the one that came to his preschool (bright kid), we just told him the same thing I would tell my kids. The other Santas are just helpers, but this is the real Santa.

Limiting Beliefs

2011-12-09T23:31:00.001-07:00

I have been doing a lot of swimming. At one time I had this belief that I could never swim without nose plugs. I am sure glad I got over the need for that unattractive apparatus. I mean a cap and goggles are unflattering enough without adding little pinchers on my nose.

I also had this belief that I couldn't swim long distances doing the American Crawl because it was hard to reach up over my head for too long, and I preferred to swim the breast stroke. Now I have overcome that limiting belief. It sure feels good to overcome some stupid belief that I have let hold me back. Is it possible to get rid of the limiting belief that I can't sing? I better not push my luck.

I'm in Charge

2011-11-30T23:47:00.000-07:00

I have finally learned that if I am not happy then I can't blame anyone but me. I now know that I am in charge of my own happiness and if I really want to be happy, then I can choose to be happy. The choice is easy but it will take effort on my part to make choices and to do the work I need to do to be happy. I know that I must accept the fact that at some deep level I can always choose what I want to feel, and honestly realize that if I keep choosing misery then there is some unconscious reason I feel comfortable with living with that kind of sadness. Sometimes it is as simple as truly believing I deserve to be happy and then focusing on all the reasons why I can be happy. My beliefs are powerful and I now believe that my happiness is up to me and that I deserve it. I am choosing to be happy.

Public Exposure Not So Bad

2011-11-24T20:00:00.003-07:00

It is now interesting to me how easily ashamed people are of their difficulties and mistakes and how they want to hide their imperfections and troubles. Take it from someone who has been completely exposed that it isn't so bad. In fact, it is quite the relief to know that I don't have to worry about what people know about me or those I love. Now I know they know and it is interesting to realize how compassionate and kind people can be, and how they seem to feel a new connection with me knowing that my life isn't perfect.

I now say to people who are afraid of what other people will think if they knew what they struggle with, chill out and realize that a lot of good can be had in being found out that we are all weak and infallible. Adam and Eve were told to run and hide when they had done something they were ashamed of. Hiding keeps us apart and that is just what the adversary wants. Exposure has brought me support and connections in a whole new way, and I have discovered how kind and good people can be. I have found that if life isn't perfect, I can still hold my head up and keep on connecting with people. In fact, maybe it is the trials that creates a better connection. I know it sure does with my Heavenly Father.

Enjoy the Moment

2011-11-23T13:44:00.003-07:00

I have realized that I have lived so much of my life thinking about the past and what I wish I would have done differently or anticipating the future in either worrying about it or falsely thinking I will be so much better then. I have become more aware of is how much tenseness I experience in the present because I am too hung up on being perfect either looking back or forward. I often don't enjoy the moment because I keep thinking of what I SHOULD be doing and not what I AM doing. What I now know is that peace and joy resides in the present moment and the better I get in relishing and enjoying what I am doing and experiencing right now and seeing the moment as perfect just the way it is, is what will make me more relaxed and happy.

What really made me realize what a bad habit I have created in my perfectionistic state of dissatisfaction with the past is what I experience with my daughter's wedding day. As any mother of the bride can confirm, there is a lot of planning and preparation that goes into that big day trying so hard to make it perfect. At the end of the actual wedding day, I really could joyfully say that it was a perfect day and I enjoyed every minute of it. Several days later, I felt myself get into that bad habit of dwelling on the past glorious event in that regretful, dissatisfied way. I knew that at the moment I had already claimed it was perfect so why would I have a need to create regret? I immediately knew that it was because of that bad habit that I spent years cultivating.

My new commitment is to love and enjoy each moment more fully. I can still enjoy the memories from the past and anticipate wonderful memories in the future but I will only look back with gratitude and look forward with hope. I truly have so much good in my life and I will be more focused on celebrating the good. Every moment can be perfect if I choose to see it that way.

Brother in the Bathtub

2011-11-22T20:00:00.002-07:00

No this isn't a picture that I took, just a random picture I found on google images.

I was thinking about a talk I heard years ago that inspired me to be more committed to journal writing. The speaker talked about all the blessings and benefits of writing in a journal but then she ended by saying that it is like the time when her young son was taking a bath alone. His little brother wanted to get in the tub with him but the older son thought it would take away some of his own warmth. The mother said she wanted to explain that actually he would feel warmer with his brother in because his brother's body would raise the level of the water and thus the warm water would cover more of his body resulting in more warmth not less. She realized, however, that just plopping his brother in without explanation would result in her older son just learning by experiencing it.

She then said the same is true about journal writing. She could go on and on about the benefits but it is better for us to just start writing and discovering for ourselves how really therapeutic it is. That is how I feel. I am grateful that I was inspired to write and that I have learned for myself the miraculous blessings. Just do it!

Fight for Connections and Purpose

2011-11-21T11:09:00.001-07:00

I've said this before, but I feel like it is much better to say yes to positive changes rather than trying to just say no to the negative. The more I learn about attachment theory and how susceptible people are to becoming addicted to negative things when they haven't had healthy, secure attachments with loved ones, then I say instead of saying no to drugs lets say yes to positive connections and purpose in life. Drugs or any other substance abuse can often be traced to either a lack of a healthy secure attachment as a child or to a lack of real purpose and meaning in life. Let's focus more on a positive fight for connection and purpose and thereby reduce the need to fight against the negative.

Out of Work

2011-11-17T08:17:00.001-07:00

Today my career as a full-time mother is officially over. My baby girl is getting married today and it is a bitter-sweet time. Bitter because I am going to miss her living here. I am even going to miss her messes. Sweet because I have had such a great time with her and so many wonderful memories, and I am so happy for her and the wonderful man she is marrying. I couldn't have picked a better guy for her. Thank you Garrett for being so sweet to my daughter.

For all of you young moms out there. Cherish the time when your children are growing up. It might seem like it is going to be forever before they do but believe me, as I sit here with tears running down my face, that the time goes by so much faster than you ever think. Before you know it your youngest child will be falling in love with someone that will become more important to them than you are and leaving home with them. As it should be. They will untie those apron strings that at so many moments, I used to get frustrated with the constant tugging.

Thank heavens for a continued relationship with adult children who become our peers and friends and especially for grandchildren. So I guess I am not really out of work, it just looks a little different. To Taylee and all of my children. I love you. Thank you so much for a lifetime of memories, now and forever.

Breathing

2011-11-14T14:20:00.002-07:00

The older I get the smarter I get. By now, I'm brilliant.

I am realizing it is the little things in life that make such a profound difference. I am still working on making a habit to breath deeper and relax on the exhale. When I do my closet yoga, I am more focused on breathing slowing and deeply. Up until lately, I would just take shallow breaths and count to seven in each stance. Now I take three deep, long breaths inhaling deeply and slowly and exhaling completely. Wow, what a difference it makes. I am also working at tuning into my breath throughout the day and noticing when I am feeling uptight and letting go of the tension through my breath. It takes focus and commitment because I have been doing it wrong for so many years. This old dog is learning new tricks.

Mindful Eating

2011-11-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

A little something I learned watching The Biggest Loser the other day that I wanted to share. A doctor that studies the brain and obesity found while doing a scan of overweight people's brains that while they are viewing something tempting to eat, there is a portion of the brain that registers pleasure that lights up significantly in a large area, but unfortunately while they are actually eating the foods, the area of light is much smaller. On the other hand, when a lean person's brain is scanned it shows the opposite results. Their brain lights up just a little while viewing the food but while eating it, there is a bigger area, showing greater pleasure.

What this means is that since the actual pleasure of eating is decreased in the heavier person, they are tempted to eat more and more to get the same amount of pleasure that a leaner person gets right away.

The moral of this story is that it is important to eat slowly and mindfully so that the pleasure area is activated completely, so I don't have to eat the whole cake to get the same amount of enjoyment.

Perfectionism is debilitating

2011-11-07T21:28:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time someone was talking about a mother who had a lot of boys in her family, they spoke of how remarkable she was because her home and garage was always perfect. Having struggled with tendencies of perfectionism and knowing what a curse it can be, I said that they shouldn't be too quick in their admiration because it might be more of a problem than a positive attribute. I wasn't really making a judgment of that women but just admitting my own struggle.

In an age of always striving for 4.0 grade-point average, it is easy to get caught up with trying to achieve perfection and being hard on ourselves when we don't. I am glad that at least I grew up in an era that just doing my best and settling for good enough grades was all I was expected to do. I can't imagine how neurotic I would be now if I would have thought I had to have perfect grades back then. It is bad enough that I expect to have a perfectly cleaned kitchen and cupboards. Yes, I probably would be out trimming my grass by hand.

I am willing to sacrifice

2011-11-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

It is Sunday and I should have a more spiritual thought but no, I found this on Pinterest (the addiction that replaced Angry Birds) and I had to share. It is what I have been sacrificing myself to do. Talk about selflessness. ;)

Overs and Unders

2011-11-05T07:30:00.002-07:00

I'm still thinking of balance. I remember years ago after I had given several organization classes, it finally dawned on me that there would be people in the audience that were already sufficiently organized and that some of my ideas might push them over the edge into neurotic over organizing (kind of like that crazy realm where I am tempted to live). I thus changed my approach and first talked about recognizing where they are on the scale and if they are already organizing too much, they might need to relax and let go a little; and if they aren't organized and frustrated because of it, that they need to step it up and use some of the organization ideas. It is a matter of tuning into or own mind, body, and spirit to properly access how we are feeling and functioning and make the necessary adjustments in either direction. Either doing more or doing less. That means that I don't compare what I am doing or not doing to anyone else, but I hold it up to my own sense of being to know what is right for me. I know that I have that gauge in my mind, body, and spirit that will let me know if I take the time to quietly listen.

Happy Balance

2011-11-04T22:19:00.001-07:00

Life is a balancing act (I think I am the first person that has said that). It seems like I am either a kind of slug where I don't get much accomplished or I go to the other extreme and get somewhat neurotic about my check list and using my time wisely. But...it is only when I find that happy medium when I am happily engaged and just busy enough to keep life interesting but not stressed and certainly not bored, that I feel peace and contentment. I know that I am in that place when I feel relaxed and excited at the same time. For me it always requires tuning in and tuning up to check myself because it is so easy to get carried away in either direction.

Strengthen the Core

2011-11-01T10:14:00.003-07:00

For those who have recently joined reading this blog,I had previously mentioned how the star can represent all dimensions of myself. The top point represents the spiritual side, the next point, the physical, then mental, on to emotional, and finally social. Just as each line traverses to the other points, each part of myself is affected and affects the other parts (just making sure you don't assume that I have multiple personalities).

This morning I was doing my P90X core workout and realized that strengthening my physical core is very symbolic of how important it is to strengthen all the other cores. For my mental core, I have to have positive thoughts; I can strengthen my emotional self with feelings of gratitude, the core of my social self is unconditional love, and my spiritual strength is rooted in faith, hope, and charity.

Posture

2011-10-31T22:00:00.001-07:00

I've been working on my posture lately. The interesting (well, for me anyway) thing is that I have also found this need to stand up for myself. It really does make me realize how much my physical well-being is affected by my emotional and social self, and how my emotional and social self literally affects how I stand. Who would have thought that as I learn to stand straighter that I also learn to stand up for myself and what I know to be true at a whole new level.

Exercise Should Be Fun

2011-10-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

I say that exercise has to be fun or I won't do it for long. I love to dance and Zumba is a fun way to exercise. Talking with friends is also fun so I love to walk and talk for my exercise. There are also TV shows that are fun to watch and so I tape them and then exercise while I watch. I am glad that there are many fun ways to exercise.

Being Vulnerable

2011-10-25T06:51:00.000-07:00

I know that I always have a tremendous amount of strength available to me but I also know that there are times that I feel so vulnerable. I have been hit with a tremendous amount of pain realizing that life can be hard and that things don't turn out the way I would like them to be, and it can be just so sad and difficult.

It is times like these that it is okay for me to feel vulnerable and pained because then I realize how much I need to be loved and taken care of. First by my Father in Heaven and secondly by those around me. I know that in my strength I can give off the attitude that I don't need people's loving care, but at times when I feel this kind of pain, it is essential that I open myself up and let others know I need to be nurtured. I am weak and I am vulnerable but I know where to look for more strength. I will look to God and I will allow others to take care of me. I don't always have to be the strong one, and I don't have to always be the one taking care of everyone else. I am doing others a favor by letting them know I can be vulnerable and let them take care of me. I like chocolate covered cinnamon bears in case you're wondering.

Say Yes to Healthy Relationships

2011-10-24T08:05:00.003-07:00

Research has found that the "Just Say No" drug program doesn't work. Other research says that teenagers that engage in service does more to prevent teenage pregnancy than education alone. This tells me how important it is to establish healthy relationships and do meaningful work. More evidence of the importance of developing and sustaining healthy attachments with people that counteracts the need for unhealthy substitutes.

One way that I learned from a professor at a California University to make better connections is to look at people left eye to left eye. It was found that this simple practice helps establish a more emotional, left brain connections; which develops a more secure attachment. A focus on healthy relationships and service can be our greatest weapon in the war on drugs.

Fulfillment

2011-10-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

At just the time I was writing about addiction to unhealthy habits as opposed to developing genuine relationships and engaging in socially redeeming activities, I was drinking my herbal tea. On each tea bag of the brand that I drink is a thought which that day went along perfectly with what I was writing about. (It is interesting how miraculously it happens that I read something that I need at that very moment.)

The message was, "You will feel fulfilled when you do the impossible for someone else." I knew at that moment that if I can help lift someone out of their addiction and help them find the joy and happiness in healthy relationships, especially with their Heavenly Father and Savior because that is the only way out of addiction, that that is the greatest fulfillment I can have. I know that to be true.

Life is about finding fulfillment and I know that genuine fulfillment isn't found at the mall, it isn't found in a bottle, and it certainly isn't found moving on to the next level in a game (although at the moment, it falsely seems so). I want to continually pray that I will be open to knowing when those opportunities for fulfillment are there.

Age of Addiction

2011-10-21T20:00:00.003-07:00

It is no longer the "Age of Aquarius" as the group, The 5th Dimension, sang years ago. (Am I dating myself here?) It now seems to be the "Age of Addiction." Although I am watching other people struggle with various forms of addictions, I am not pointing fingers because I am not immune.

This is what I have learned from studying human development and especially attachment theory. People are the most vulnerable to unhealthy addictions when there is a struggle with attachments issues that can start as early as 6 months of age and are most critical until 3 years old. If the attachment isn't adequately formed especially with the mother and father at those critical years, then other healthy attachments are harder to develop. Thus when something comes along such as alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, etc. that tries to mimic the euphoria that a healthy attachment naturally produces, a person is susceptible to being drawn to it. Because those subsititutes don't really produce the genuine good feelings that healthy attachments with loved ones create; there becomes a pattern of engaging more and more in the unhealthy habits because we can't get enough of that which we don't really need, so the craving becomes more intense until we are addicted and have lost power over it.

We really don't need what drugs and all the other habits give us. What we need are close and loving relationships and genuine accomplishments that have socially redeeming value. In fact, all of these habits, especially when they get to the point of addiction, actually get in the way of healthy relationships and other altruistic accomplishments, and thus the pattern becomes a negative cycle because the opportunity for healthy attachments with loved ones becomes even more and more difficult and thus we become even more needy and susceptible.

I want to stay away or be careful of those habits and activities in which there is an anonymous group that has formed. I have have even heard there are treatment centers for facebook addictions and I have to assume that somewhere there is a group that meets and someone introduces themselves as, "Hi, my name is ... and I am an angry bird aholic. Sign me up.

P.S. I thought I came up with the term "age of addiction" until I actually googled it and found this book by someone who is a local psychologist.

What I Don't Like

2011-10-20T21:31:00.001-07:00

I just watched another episode of Biggest Loser, and I have to say there is something that I don't like and that is when they have to vote someone off. I realize that friendly competition can be a great motivator; but it is sad to see that amongst the team members that have built up such a camaraderie, that they then might have to turn on a fellow member and get rid of them.

Gratefully in real life we really don't have to compete against anyone else; only ourselves and our own frailties. And we especially don't have to throw someone on our team out to get ahead. Fear of elimination can be and is a great motivator, but gratefully in THE plan our family and friends aren't rejected, in fact, we work hard to keep everyone in the fold. I am the only one that can reject the plan of happiness and remove myself; no one can do that for me.

Biggest Loser

2011-10-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

I love watching the biggest loser; especially while I am exercising--it makes me work harder. One of the aspects I love about the program is how they connect emotional issues with the weight problem. I have to admire these people that are willing to go on TV and bare their souls and help the rest of us realize that there is usually some kind of pain behind our weaknesses, and that the emotional pain needs to be addressed before we can move forward and make long-term behavioral changes.

Dealing with emotional pain doesn't mean I blame and get angry with those that might have contributed to that heartache, but that I acknowledge that pain and realize that I must now take responsibility for healing from it so that I don't engage in dysfunctional behavior to try and cope (like overeating, overshopping, and a whole other list of ways I can indulge or escape).

Lesson from Depression

2011-10-18T19:00:00.000-07:00

I had an acquaintance years ago that struggled with depression. I had lost touch with her and happen to run into her years later, and she shared something about her experience that was interesting to me and has been valuable not only for depression but for any difficult experience.

She told me that for years she prayed that her depression would be taken away but she only found relief when she changed her prayers. She said that when she started to pray to know what she was suppose to learn from the depression, that it was how she finally was able to overcome it.

I often think of that lesson and realize that there are many trials I might struggle with, and now instead of just praying for relief, I want to follow this women's example and pray about what I need to learn from it. This is how the most difficult circumstances and experiences can turn into a blessing. But I just want to keep going to school and learn there instead of from challenges. A master's degree seems easier than the school of hard knocks.

Commitment and Reporting

2011-10-17T20:00:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago a friend and I made a commitment to each other that we would do certain things every day and week and then report to each other by text at the end of the day. It was amazing what that little practice did for me. Knowing that I would need to report to her gave me extra incentive and focus to engage in activities such as daily service, scripture study and journal writing, exercise, eathing healthy, and having a good laugh. The other wonderful benefit is that all the activities that I have found aren't really that satisfying or redeeming such as shopping or angry birds just seemed to melt away and I had no desire or interest in them as my focus was on more worthwhile goals.

Then...we both went on vacation and stopped reporting to each other, and it was sad how quickly all those unproductive and meaningless activities seemed so much more tempting. But then I ONCE AGAIN learned how really empty those other pursuits are, and now I am texting my out-of-state friend and committing to reporting each day to her once again. I guess I could just report in prayer but sometimes it is nice to have someone with skin on. (This is in reference to a cute story I heard years ago about a little boy who was frightened in the night. When his dad comforted him and said that Heavenly Father is always there for him, the boy replied, "But sometimes I want someone with skin on." Of course, I do believe Heavenly Father has a body with skin, but it is still a cute story and reference.)

Spiritual Tuneup

2011-10-16T20:00:00.002-07:00

Every morning I require a spiritual tuneup. It is scary how easily I can drift away from "feeling the love" when I miss a few days reading and pondering inspiring words from scriptures. Then when I haven't felt the love, it is harder to feel and adequately express love to others. This is a lot like everything else I experience. After I neglect doing something that does so much good for me, I realize how desperately I really need it. It is easy to roll along and start to take those habits and their benefits for granted, and it is only when I haven't done it that I realize how significantly crucial it is to my overall spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, and social life.

Now I will step forward again. My life is like that. Three steps forward, one maybe two sometimes five steps back, but then I will move forward again (kind of like doing the polka). The good news is that even when I take those steps backwards, I can still learn from it as long as I repent and keep moving ahead. Thanks heaven for repentance (literally).

PS I am not endorsing this book, I just found the picture on google images when I searched for "spiritual tuneup"

The Lights Turn Off

2011-10-15T20:00:00.001-07:00

The other day I was reminded of something that happened to me years ago. Three of my sons entered a comedy competition and all of our family, some friends and relatives went to support them. I have to say that my sons were clean but there were others that weren't so much. Since I had our youngest daughter with us and I didn't especially like her exposed to some of the crude humor, I took her out into the lobby after our boys were finished. (I really wanted to take the whole family out but didn't have a cattle prod). Since we could still hear everything and when I saw this knob just like the ones in the church foyers that turn down the volume, I turned it all the way off.

Quickly some people in charge came running out and wondered why all the lights had gone off in the auditorium. I realized I had turned off the lights and not the volume and explained to them that I didn't want to hear or let my daughter hear the crude humor and thought it was a volume switch. The interesting thing is that one of the resident comedians apologized to me and said he didn't usually resort to that kind of humor and he was sorry he did.

What was kind of symbolic about that incident is that I literally turned the lights off but figuratively they had already turned off the lights. We can either let our light shine or be in darkness.

P90X

2011-10-13T22:27:00.000-07:00

So this morning I decided to start doing the P90X exercises. At the beginning of the first DVD it says, "Never exercise beyond the level at which you feel comfortable." Do they realize what comfortable means to me? My definition of comfortable is lounging on the couch with my feet up on the ottoman. So does that mean I should just sit and watch the DVD and not go beyond that level? I hope they have a good money-back guarantee.

Medical Report

2011-10-12T08:00:00.002-07:00

In case you are dying to know how my shoulder is feeling....That and you get some free medical advice...

In the middle of the night when my shoulder was killing me and I couldn't find a comfortable position to sleep in, I got up and had to work on it to get it to move and decided to do some research on the internet since I couldn't sleep. Now mind you, I am a gifted and sound sleeper and usually NOTHING I mean NOTHING interrupts my sleep. Because I had a friend tell me that when she developed frozen shoulder she had to have surgery on it, I was determined to find a natural way to heal it quickly. I have learned to try the natural way first and the internet is a good place to start.

I learned that people had had success working out trigger points and taking cayenne pepper and cleansing. I took a cayenne and cleansing capsule and it was extremely painful but I work on those trigger points suggested and kept moving my shoulder even though it was difficult. Well every day it keeps getting better and better. No doctor, no pain pills, and no surgery.

On the internet I learned that trigger points are thought to be the cause of a lot of pain. I learned from Kev's experience when he had a certain condition in his foot that a doctor told him would require surgery, that he had a quick solution to the problem when his trainer worked out some trigger points. Although it is excruciatingly painful to work out trigger points it helped him and now it worked miracles for me.

The interested thing is (I guess I think it is interesting anyway in my mundane world) that when I read about trigger point therapy, the medical profession doesn't necessarily believe that it has value. But for me, I believe otherwise. I wonder how many other cheap therapies could cut down health care costs. But for now I have a renewed appreciation for good health and painless living.

Speaking the Truth

2011-10-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned over and over again, I have been seeking for the truth; and what I have realized that not only is it important for me to know what is true, I have also got to have the courage to speak the truth with confidence and conviction. I have learned that sometimes it is hard to hear the truth and so that truth should be delivered with love and consideration, but there are even times that it has to be delivered in a direct and forceful way when I feel impressed to do so even if it might be painful.

I know that my meager opinion doesn't really matter and really shouldn't give me the confidence to speak up, but the truth does; and so when I know something isn't just according to my opinion but truth, then I can declare it with confidence.

Sugar Experiment

2011-10-10T20:00:00.002-07:00

Okay, every so often I need to remember why it is that sugar is not good for me so I experiment and eat lots of sweet things. It is a painful sacrifice but someone has to do it! While I was eating too much sugar, my body felt sore all over and so this last week while on vacation I decided to avoid eating any desserts and voila, the soreness went away. Until...

I was at the airport with an unusual waiting time due to the fact that my traveling companion has a neurotic need to get there WAY too early (just ask our kids), and I spotted a Pink Berry frozen yogurt place and had a free pop machine in the lounge. So I had the yogurt and drank some root beer to kill some time. Then...Immediately my shoulder froze and I had this excruciating pain that has now lasted a couple of days. Now I am back off eating or drinking too much sugar. That stuff does weird things to my body.

Education

2011-10-09T13:18:00.002-07:00

I was walking on one of my favorite paths and while passing a couple of women talking, I couldn't help but over hear something they said as I shuffled by. One said to the other, "I don't think he is educated."

Hmmm? I think is what she meant is that whoever they were talking about didn't receive a formal education. Even though I am in the midst of "formal education" (by that it means I spend quite a bit of money to have someone give me information to read and then give me a deadline to make sure I have understood it and made it somewhat useful, and get a piece of paper and a title at the end), I know that that isn't the only way to gain an education.

I can gain a great education just reading on my own and especially when i record my thoughts and insight.

I can gain a great education watching people and truly listening to what they feel and think.

I can gain a great education spending time in nature. Nature is a fabulous teacher.

I can gain a great education attending church or other free seminars.

I can gain a great education from my mistakes, even more than my successes.

I can gain a great education surfing the internet.

And yes I can even gain a great education from TV or reading tabloid covers while in line at the grocery store. (It is nice to keep updated on the Jen and Brad drama!!)

Education comes in many ways and is all that is necessary is a thirst for learning. (and a natural curiosity of what the stars are doing:-))

Capturing and Recording Thoughts

2011-10-04T13:20:00.003-07:00

I haven't written in this blog for several days and it is a great reminder of how important this little habit is to me. When I know that I will want to record something, I pay more attention to my thoughts. Later, after I have written those thoughts, their awareness is more solidified and I feel like those thoughts I have a greater impact. They are not as likely to fly off into the great blue yonder in the sky but seem to take a little better residence in my mind and hopefully behavior. That is what I am hoping anyway.
PS I finally figured out how to include a picture when I am posting on my ipad. Unfortunately I haven't learned how to make it smaller.

Get Organized First

2011-09-24T21:00:00.002-07:00

If I ever have some sort of intense project to work on, I have to get myself and my home somewhat organized before I dive into the project. There is something about order and cleanliness that sets a foundation for more calm and directed thinking and creativity. It seems like my mind is divided if I know there is too much disorder, even when it is out of sight. I do, however, have to fight the urge to want to make sure the spices are alphabetized correctly before working on a project. I can get sort of neurotic that way but at least I realize it.

Even God started His creation with getting organized but He was able to do it with a little randomization, so I can still get organized but lighten up a little. Maybe I can even let the oregano come before the basil.

A Birth and a Funeral

2011-09-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

It has been an eventful week. We were able to greet a new girl grand baby and I attended a funeral for my Dad's oldest sister. It was especially touching as I realized my new granddaughter was given my name for her middle name. It made me think of the heritage that I pass on, and attending the funeral of my Aunt made me realize the heritage I inherited. What a emotional gift it was for me to be able to look in both directions in the same week and feel the gratitude and responsibility of the family we are born into and the family that we help create.

Choose Easy

2011-09-22T17:00:00.003-07:00

I use to do a lot of organization classes and one of the main things that I taught that has helped me in being a homemaker is my mantra, "How can I make this work better?" You see, instead of calling myself lazy, I like to say I just try and choose the easiest and most efficient way to do something. Anytime I noticed that something was inconvenient or frustrating, I would wonder how I could make it work better? Asking the question gives opportunity for the creative answers to come. That is what is done in any business organization, and I always like to think I am running a business. The business of homemaking, and I am the CEO of our home (even though all my little employees have grown up and moved on to other organizations).

For example, having a lot of children close in age meant that I use to put on a lot of shoes. Instead of lace shoes, I would choose easy and have boots, pull on shoes, Velcro, etc. It was one of the ways I made it easier on myself.

I still need to remember that I can choose easy and instead of being frustrated by and complaining about something, I can do more problem solving because it is empowering and we CEOs need the power to become a Fortune 500 company even if now I am only a one-woman operation!

Fear

2011-09-21T13:42:00.000-07:00

I have realized that a lot of what I do or don't do use to be based on fear from past experience. For example, because my east-side window broke in an East wind when I was I young girl; out of fear of that happening again, I didn't want to put big windows in the East side of our home. As a result of a choice based on that fear, I don't have as good a view of our glorious mountains as I could have had.

I realize that faith and fear cannot coexist, and now I want to be more careful that I don't let my fear block out the faith and thus the view I could have based on that faith.

I have noticed that faith can be the foundation of a lot of great intentions. Like the intention we have to make our wedding plans joyous instead of stressful. Fear seems to evoke stress, but faith grows optimism and joy. Fear creates worry about people and their choices, but faith creates a belief that their journey will take them just where they need to be for their own growth. It just feels so much better to live in faith instead of fear.

Wedding Plans

2011-09-20T21:16:00.002-07:00

From 8:30 am until 7:30 pm my little bride to be and I spent the day making wedding plans and running errands for the big day. We are having such fun. We have decided that we are not going to allow stress to get in the way but are determined to make the journey as fun as the big day.

It makes me remember a lesson I learned from my brother years ago right before I got married. Our family was taking an extended vacation into Canada and down the East Coast in a motor home. We tried to see so much and seemed like we were hurrying from one stop to the next when my brother jokingly said, "Let's hurry and get this fun over with!"

Planning this wedding is so much fun, and we don't want to hurry and get this fun over with. We are going to enjoy the journey!

Young Women

2011-09-18T21:31:00.000-07:00

At first glance, it would seem that I am doing so much good being willing to teach and serve in the young women's program, but no... I honestly get so much more from it that I could ever possibly give. I get to be with and love and be loved by 10 amazing young women and laugh and have amazing experiences together. It is crazy how I think I am doing something so good when in reality I benefit so much more from it than they ever could. It really becomes a selfish benefit to serve.

Touch and Go Landing Strip

2011-09-14T21:00:00.005-07:00

The other day while I was hiking and then relaxing in the tub (two places where I feel inspired) and had some incredible epiphanies. Since I neglected to write them down, those thoughts have now left me. Darn it, I remember them being pretty awesome (trust me).

My mind works like a touch and go landing strip. Thoughts come and then they take off really quickly. Just like when I walk downstairs to do or get something and then think, "Why in the heck am I down here?" Now I have to write this random thought because I forgot some of the other good ones. From now on, I will write my thoughts down while they are still on the runway.

Blame

2011-09-13T18:43:00.002-07:00

I find that when I blame other people for my heartache and unhappiness, I also tend to allow them to blame me for theirs. Either way, it just doesn't solve any problems and tends to make the problems worse. I am so much happier and find greater peace when I take responsibility for me and what I have done wrong or what I can do better, and allow other people to be responsible for their own. I have more power that way. Blame just gives away any power I can have to change because I can't change anyone else. Doesn't mean I haven't tried.

A Day of Homemaking

2011-09-12T19:00:00.001-07:00

The other day I decided to stay home and actually be a homemaker. I cooked a pot of 12 bean soup (which I will be eating for another 12 days) and cleaned and organized. It really brought back a lot of memories of days when I had a house full of little children and it was easier to stay home and work because there was so much that had to be done at home. Now that I have more freedom and other interests outside the home (important things like lunch out), I don't spend as much time at home, and the other day I remembered how really safe and cozy it feels to be home. I loved it and now want to stay home more often and still enjoy homemaking. For me, it has been an amazing career choice, and I am grateful I had the opportunity to have that choice.

If I Am Committed to Write It, It Will Come

2011-09-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

People often ask me how I can come up with something to write about everyday. These must not be people who spend a lot of time with me and know that I am always talking. But it really is something of a miracle that I now enjoy writing as much as I do. In high school and my first life in college, I hated to have to write an assignment. It is only because of years of journaling that I discovered that I love to write. I have also found that when I make the commitment to write everyday that there is never a shortage of what I want to write about. Something always comes to mind. A little lesson in that if I decide to do something and make a firm commitment, then the rest is easier.

Enduring to the End

2011-09-10T22:39:00.002-07:00

Today I went hiking again on the hard path; and when I got to the usual place that I turn around and go back, I decided I would endure to the end. No, I wasn't dying, but I did continue up the canyon until I got to the water falls.

It was an interesting journey. Close to the falls, I ran into a couple who were confused as to which path to take. (No, it wasn't Alice in Wonderland.) Since it had been a long time since I went all the way to the falls, I became a kind of blind leader figuring it out as we went.

It made me realize that oftentimes we get to lead the way, and if I am going to be put in that position then I had better know where I am going. I also realized that being a leader is a unique opportunity to do be more diligent and determined to find the way and to endure to the end. Rounding the corner and seeing the falls was a great reward and an even better one as I came back and told my little followers that it was just ahead.

P.S. This is the actual picture I took today.

The Truth: I Am Now Losing Weight

2011-09-09T21:00:00.001-07:00

The truth has been, I am gaining weight, but today I am changing that to "I am now losing weight." Remember, I am what I say I am. I have realized that I have to be careful of saying, I am gaining weight because I will unconsciously continue to honor that statement, and man oh man, have I had fun eating all the goodies that will continue to make that happen!

The fun is over because the truth is, eating all that fattening food is only temporarily rewarding. I have to start looking at my long-term quality of life and since I don't want to have to purchase one of those lounge chairs that mechanically push me out of it, I will have to start making changes now and make those changes for good.

So now I will say, "I am losing weight weight." And why do I want to loose weight; because it just simply doesn't feel good to carry extra weight that I don't need and want, and it isn't healthy. Yes, there is a certain amount of ego in being thin, but the real motivation should be that I should want to take care of my body and make it as healthy as I can be so I can live a long and vibrant life.

So today, I am starting to lose weight and in order to do that I will drink lots of water, eat lots of colorful vegetables, fruits, whole grains, legumes, fish and lean meats sparingly. As I eat healthy and have more energy, I will really have more fun than there ever was eating a whole bag of chocolate-covered cinnamon bears. At least I will keep telling myself that.

Time Out For Women

2011-09-08T21:52:00.000-07:00

Here is the link for the Time Out For Women website where my blog post is featured. http://TOFW.com/

Purpose of Blog

2011-09-08T21:00:00.001-07:00

If anyone has noticed, I have changed my subtitle of the blog defining it's purpose. In the beginning it was a journey of self-improvement. Recently, I changed it to self-discovery but I realized it is really my search for truth. I have found that as I search and align myself with truth, then I am automatically on a path of self-discovery that can lead to self-improvement. I have discovered that any journey for self-discovery and self-improvement that is not grounded in truth can lead down a wrong course. The scripture that says, "And the truth shall set us free" is amazingly profound. I have been praying for truth and finding tremendous freedom and liberation. I know that I had to have the wind knocked out of me so that I was willing to search and find my source of strength and the truth that will set me free.

Time Out For Women

2011-09-07T20:50:00.000-07:00

I have been notified that my blog post, "The Unmade Bed" is going to be featured on the Time Out For Women website.

Getting the Wind Knocked Out of Me

2011-09-07T20:16:00.002-07:00

I talked yesterday about how my lungs got a work out on the harder path hiking and then about the deep breaths of truth that that lung cleansing can make room for.

I have found that it really is on that harder path that has knocked the wind out of me that has made room for the lessons I need to learn. Because of the gift of free agency and the fact that Heavenly Father always honors my right to choose, I believe that at some deeper level that I chose some of my difficult paths because I unconsciously knew that I needed the difficulty in order to have that deep lung cleansing to make room for greater lessons and deeper truth. I believe that was what Eve did. She chose a hard path because at some deep level she knew that we would all need to go through difficulties and live outside the perfect garden. Our Heavenly Father allowed her and allows us to make those choices that will at first cause pain but ultimately, with His help to overcome, be our greatest teacher.

With this understanding, it is easier to allow others their free agency and have faith that their journey will also be just what they need. I no longer have to worry, monitor, judge, control, or try to fix. I just get to try and be a good example, pray for, and love them.

The Harder Path

2011-09-06T22:49:00.001-07:00

When I go hiking up the canyon near our home, I usually take an easier way up but this last Saturday I took the hard way. It was amazing how much more my lungs got a work out. After the intense switch backs, I was breathing hard and coughing. It felt as though my lungs were getting a deep cleansing and being prepared to be able to breathe more deeply.

It is going to sound weird but now when I am writing or thinking something that is an enlightening truth, I have noticed that I take in a deep breath. I have gotten in the habit now of noticing it more often and after I write a sentence in my journal that rings true and in which I take in a deep breath, I will finish the thought by typing DB to signify when I spoke truth and took in a deep breath. It seems to help me take more notice of what is important. I mean, I say so much that isn't important that I need some kind of sifter.

Faith Took Over

2011-09-05T22:00:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was thinking about this last Summer when I watched a group of girls make the human knot and then struggle to work their way out of it. They were quite tangled and kept struggling, negotiating, and making various suggestions to figure it out for themselves. It was taking a long time and looked like they just weren't going to get untangled, and finally they were told that they could only have a few more minutes or they would have to quit.

At the very end, it was interesting how all of a sudden without anyone saying a word, they just miraculously figured out how to undo the knot. It was as if faith took over. In thinking about it yesterday, it also came to me that my life is a lot like that. I can think that struggling, negotiating, and making suggestions will work out the knots in my life, when it is so much better when I just let faith take over.

Warning

2011-09-04T23:18:00.003-07:00

I was hiking the other day and I noticed that there was this small metal object poking out from the ground in the middle of the trail. Someone who traveled before who might have tripped on it themselves took the time to tie this blue marker as a warning. I was impressed with the thoughtfulness of taking the time to mark it to prevent someone else from getting injured. I want to be equally thoughtful. I think I will post a blue marker on a bag of chocolate-covered cinnamon bears as a warning to others, "Don't start, they're addictive!"

Seriously though, isn't it nice that we can be warned and learn from other people's mistakes. I am grateful for those people that will mark the troubled spots so those following can avoid them.

"The Help"

2011-09-03T18:27:00.001-07:00

It took me long enough, but I finally saw the movie, "The Help." After reading the book, usually the movie is disappointing; but that isn't the case with this movie. For me, the movie captured even more emotions and inspiration. I came away truly inspired to be more courageous in seeking and standing up for truth and being more loving and validating. Everyone deserves to have a voice and to be told they are important.

I also came away with tremendous gratitude for all the creativity that went into the book and movie and the inspiration that is shared with all of us. It makes me want put my talents to better use. Now if I can only find them...

Win or Have Fun?

2011-08-29T20:00:00.005-07:00

I had a sleepover with a granddaughter and we did the Wii Just Dance for our morning exercise. After each song, she would ask who won. Being the dancing diva that I like to pretend that I am, of course I won. I mean, I am competing with a four-year-old; I had better win or those years of dance lessons would have been wasted. Anyway, this sweet granddaughter kept feeling bad that I kept winning, not to mention the trash talk that I was dishing out (kidding, I'm cruel but not quite that cruel), and so I realized I had to let her win or have a different approach. The competitive spirit in me and the desire to really get a challenging work out couldn't let her win, and so when she would ask who won, I asked her if she had fun. When she said she did then I said she was a winner, and I had fun too so we both were winners. Pretty soon, after each song she was just saying, "I had fun, so I won!" A good way to approach all competitive sports, don't you think?

The Unmade Bed

2011-08-24T14:37:00.007-07:00

How really important is it to make the bed every morning? I know that there is a comedian (I know his name starts with a G but the memory wheels are still churning, slower these days you know...Gaffigan, that's it) who says that making the bed every morning is like tying your shoes after you take them off. Does seem kind of silly but...

For years, because a certain person got up later than I did, I stopped making my bed regularly and really convinced myself that it wasn't that important to go back up to my room and make the bed. Now for me, I think otherwise. I have discovered that the simple practice of putting the bed in order first thing in the morning sets a pattern of orderliness for the rest of the day. Then at night, walking into the room and crawling into a nice, neat bed has a calming effect that ends the day on that same orderly note.

I realize that there are some suggestions/rules that were kind of forced on me and that I have obeyed out of blind obedience because someone else told me I should, and I just kept the rule not really appreciating or understanding the value. Hey I'm pretty good at keeping rules, even dumb ones. In this case it wasn't until I ignored the suggestion for a time and then started to relive it that I discovered for myself how really beneficial the rule was and not just because obeying what I was told to do is important, but because the rule had a greater purpose. Okay, so today I made the bed and life's wrinkles seemed a little smoother all day long. Just not on my face.

Holistic Cleansing

2011-08-04T08:17:00.006-07:00

For those that don't know, holistic means that the whole person is considered for healing or any improvement rather than just one part. For me to perform at my best I know that I can't just cleanse or improve one area but I have to be mindful of the whole package. I have noticed that I can continually cleanse my home by dejunking, but if I haven't cleansed other parts of me then my home just gets junkie again. For example, if I haven't adequately cleansed my spirit by repenting or forgiving then there is a negative emotion that will drive an increased need to accumulate "stuff" as a way to falsely try to compensate for something negative.

So my continued quest is to cleanse all parts of me. In the spiritual realm, to ask for forgiveness; in my physical world, to cleanse my body and my home of junk; mentally and emotionally, to give up negative thoughts and emotions that will eventually sabotage health and peace; and socially, to get rid of any bad feelings towards someone.

In cleansing and getting rid of the bad stuff, I make more room for the good but I need to remember that the good isn't always "stuff," but really just a joyful feeling that doesn't have to be dusted and that is good news because I hate to dust.

I am...

2011-07-30T12:53:00.004-07:00

I am whoever and whatever I say I am. If I keep telling myself and others that I am this or that then that is who and what I become.

I just finished reading the book Unbroken and felt revived both for having been inspired by the story and just by the fact that I actually finished a book that I started; especially such a long one. I have several (and I mean SEVERAL) books on my ipad that are only partially completed and it is even scarier when I just looked at the list and realized that I have forgotten I even bought some of the books no less forgot that I had read half of some of them. I am not going to declare that I am ADD anymore. It is much more rewarding to say and be someone who can focus and finish--so now I declare that I am F&F.

Shake the plant

2011-07-29T19:55:00.003-07:00

Today I watered my indoor trees and remembered that "they say" indoor plants need an occasional shaking since they don't ever have to stand up to wind then they will become weak. It is the wind that makes them strong and a good shaking mimics that wind and helps strengthen them.

Life does seem to offer its share of wind in the form of adversity but the good news is that it can make me stronger as long as I don't let it break me. It also seems reasonable that if I stand with my face to the wind then I will really be strong. Even if I am not as strong as I should be, I am going to fake it so the winds won't think they have to blow so hard and maybe I can just enjoy a little breeze from now on.

Hiking with a 3 year old

2011-07-16T23:22:00.004-07:00

This morning I went hiking with my three-year-old grandson who is staying with us right now. He insisted on wearing the water back pack, and so it looked like I was a slave driver having this little guy struggling to keep it on and hauling it while I walked with no extra weight (I guess I am carrying enough weight on my own). As he climbed up rocks and struggled with the backpack, I kept asking him if I could carry it but he insisted on carrying the load himself.

Now I am going to get a little sappy. Isn't it just like us. Sometimes we struggle trying to carry an uncomfortable burden and all the while our Savior is there asking us to let Him carry it. I have to say it was hard watching my little grandson struggle when it would have been so much easier for me to carry that burden.

Swimming in the Rain

2011-07-09T22:35:00.004-07:00

I just spent the late evening sitting in the hot tub and swimming in the rain with my cute daughter, Court. It was another moment of joy. I'm glad I'm not pushing joy away anymore, she is nice to have around and it seems she always brings her friend faith and then charity comes tagging along.

Let in the Joy

2011-07-08T22:25:00.001-07:00

The other morning I was sitting on the deck outside our master bathroom in a lounge chair typing on my trusting ipad zagg keyboard with my eyes closed. It was pure joy hearing the creek flowing, birds singing, and smelling the glorious perfume of our honeysuckle vines. It has been a long time since I sat out there, and I realized that kind of joy is always there for the taking, I just need to put myself in a positive to take it in.

It is that way in life. Joy is always there and I am welcoming it and letting it in.

Happy 4th of July

2011-07-04T09:24:00.003-07:00

It is a great day to celebrate independence. I have experienced a form of co-dependence in which I have let other people's choices affect my happiness. I am declaring my independence to be happy regardless of anyone else. I can certainly care and feel bad for other people, but worry and fear that affects my peace and happiness over something I have no control over isn't worth it. I am choosing to be free and live in joy and faith.

Extended Families

2011-07-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a little family reunion. I have a great extended family that is so much fun to be with IF you have thick skin. We laugh and make fun of each other like no other family I know. There are so many jokes that go on and on and on. You really have to be careful what you say and do because no one will let you forget something stupid you did. My son Jake says he has to be careful what his aunt says because he is still living with the jokes of what she accidentally said about him.

Like all the jokes about taking pictures in a height line. As a child, my cousins and I had to pose in a height line for pictures at Christmas. We tried to carry on the tradition with my kids generation only to be made fun of. We have long stopped the height-line pictures but the jokes about it are eternal. Most of my kids and their cousins have this genetic sarcasm that is alive and well. I am trying to figure out where they got it? Nonetheless, I am thankful for such a fun family.

Rules vs Spirit

2011-07-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

Just came to a big realization. I have put way too much stock in rules. I know I was born a rule follower but it is about time that I move up and realize the ultimate goal of following rules is to feel the Spirit and then let the Spirit be my guide, not the rules.

I still think about the visual image of the star with the points signifying all five dimensions--spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, social. I have been making (and breaking) rules for each dimension and it finally came to me that if I want to be better at relaxing that I had better just make a statement about what I want to be in each area and focus on that and let the behavior naturally follow. I just purchased a cute star at a summer fair that I have hanging in my office and I have put post it notes on the points of what I want to become instead of do in each area. Brilliant. Well, it would have been brilliant if I would have thought of it much, much sooner. Now I just feel like I have been quite remedial.

What's Your Flow Experience?

2011-07-01T20:00:00.000-07:00

I know that it is important that I know what activities create that "flow experience" where I feel like I am pursuing my passion and stretching myself. For me, some of my flow experiences are learning, writing, organizing, being creative, eating (wait, I guess that isn't a challenge, just something I'm skilled at and have interest in), dancing, watching a great educational program while on the treadmill, Sudoku, teaching (just ask my Laurels, I can go on and on and on and loose all track of time), to name a few.

I'm curious to hear what other people have discovered is their flow experience.

The Flow Experience

2011-06-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned this before but it is worth repeating (for my sake if not for anyone else). Csikszentmihaly (it took me four years in college to learn how to pronounce his name) developed this cute little theory that makes so much sense. It says that at whatever level our ability (I add interest) is at, if it is matched with the same level of challenge; then we can be in what is called the "Flow Experience." This experience is defined as when we are so engaged in a project that we loose all sense of time and space (video games for guys, shopping for girls). If our ability is greater than the challenge then we are prone to boredom, and when the challenge is greater than our ability then we can become stressed (kind of like shopping for jeans that don't make my butt look fat).

I like to make connections between what I learn in school and to the gospel. For me the flow experience is really when I am feeling peace and joy. Boredom means I need to find new challenges, and too much stress means I am trying to do too much or trying to deal with the challenges without God's help. I guess this can relate to what I said about relaxing. Getting in the flow experience is really a form of relaxation because I am matching my ability/interest with the challenge and it feels like I am floating.

Relax

2011-06-29T20:00:00.000-07:00

It has come to me that there are times when I have to give more effort and then there are times when I need to relax and realize that there are just some things out of my control. There is a saying to "let go and let God." I have come to know that I suffer from a tendency to be overly responsible for things that are out of my control and thus I feel physically uptight. It is like I believe it is all up to me when in fact I can actually float in my Heavenly Father's love and care. I am finding it useful to exhale completely and release that uptight feeling having faith that it will all work out for good. Now just pass me a nice fruit smoothie to drink while I am relaxing.

Paths make my heart sing

2011-06-28T20:00:00.001-07:00

I just visited my daughter in Kentucky and nearby was this little path through what looked like a sacred grove. There is nothing quite like a path to walk on that makes my heart sing. I love walking in nature where the feel, sounds, smells, and sights make it possible to discover the 6th sense of spiritual inspiration. It feels so good to know and to do what makes my heart sing. I want to always seek and enjoy that which brings me joy, and it's a bonus when it is calorie free.

Life is Good

2011-06-27T20:00:00.000-07:00

You know, life doesn't always turn out the way we think it should but I know that life can always still be good because Heavenly Father is good, and He can make my life good. I just have to allow it. I continue to declare Life is good and be grateful.